Many of our fellow citizens are trying to convince others and themselves in particular, of their relaxedness, which corresponds to the modern world. Absolute freedom of thought, jokes on “slippery” topics, free discussion in the company of friends of different sexes of numerous porn films watched.
But most people have such bravado only in words. Therefore, when it comes directly to sexual fun, self-confidence gallops on a dashing horse in a direction unknown to anyone. So are there any effective tips on how to relax during sex?
Source of the problem
In order not to complain that I can’t relax during sex, you need to understand why this happens. The reasons may be as follows.
- Diseases of the reproductive system. In this case, it is worth examining a specialist.
- Incompatibility with partner. During intimacy, he commits the wrong actions.
- Psychological complexes. Many people are simply unhappy with their appearance. They may feel self-conscious about their face or body, even if there is nothing wrong with it, so they cannot relax.
- Extraneous thoughts. After a difficult and hard day at work, intimacy is usually so banal, boring and unpleasant that you don’t want to engage in it. This can be fully explained. Thoughts about business simply prevent you from thinking about your partner and focusing on your feelings.
- It's not the time. If intimacy occurs at the wrong time, then it is very difficult to relax and tune in to pleasure. Because of the lack of timing, thoughts arise: “Why don’t I feel anything during sex?”
- Wrong place. Of course, the reason is quite ambiguous. There is simply no universal and ideal place. However, where exactly partners place love greatly influences the sensations experienced.
You can fix the problem by finding out the real cause. Perhaps in your case there will be several of them. Listen to effective recommendations on how to learn to enjoy sex and relax during it.
Psychotherapist's explanations2
Experienced psychotherapist Olga Miloradova is not only ready to present effective recommendations for getting rid of fears, but also explains their origin quite clearly. Thus, the majority of our compatriots did not have the slightest idea about sex until they themselves “grew to bed age.” Isolated examples of “observation” of parents or older brother (sister) having sex should not be taken into account.
In most cases, we learned everything about sex from movies, which directly influenced the idea of what real sex should actually be like. But, unfortunately, when watching another film (it doesn’t matter whether it’s a romantic melodrama or porn filled with more than intimate scenes), not everyone thinks about the fact that they contain standards that are impossible to implement in real life. By the way, most of them in real life are not only inappropriate, but also dangerous. Despite this, many still, in spite of everything, try to bring all the “cinema” passions to life.
Love yourself
To make love happily and enjoy intimacy, you need to accept yourself as you are. If, after an objective assessment, you realize that you have shortcomings, then immediately begin making efforts to get rid of them. Go for a massage, go to a beauty salon, play sports or undergo useful procedures. If you have an imperfect figure, remember that your partner still paid attention to you. Perhaps, on the contrary, he likes some flaw. You need to understand this and love yourself.
Place and time
You can choose absolutely any place. The main thing is that it is comfortable and enjoyable for both partners. Many people like the classic option - a soft, warm and cozy bed that allows you to completely relax.
Others, on the contrary, need a shake-up, so they prefer the most unexpected places (elevators, fitting rooms, parks, etc.). Why not try it? Just be vigilant and do not go beyond the bounds of decency.
When is the best time to have sex? Experts recommend engaging in intimate intimacy spontaneously, and not according to plan. For example, invite your partner to take a bath together - water procedures will definitely end with sex, which will bring pleasure. Or give your other half a passionate, long kiss before going to bed. It will excite not only your partner, but also you.
Don't think about anything
It's difficult to have sex when different thoughts are running through your head. At least for a while, forget about everyday affairs, worries and problems. Drive away extraneous thoughts, switch to your partner and your feelings. If this is very difficult for you to do, remember some pleasant moments that are associated with sex. For example, it could be an unforgettable night in which you had the most fun.
Also try not to worry about the fact that your partner will soon experience an orgasm during sex, and in the meantime you will be left without him. Understand that the main thing is not this, but the process itself. In addition, intimacy can be repeated after some time. And this is not necessarily sex in the classical sense. Petting and oral sex will also bring a lot of pleasure.
What does it take to experience a female orgasm?
Developing contact with the body
Girls who have difficulty achieving orgasm should increase contact with their own body and their own feelings.
Sports and yoga are very suitable for this. Improved coordination provides an understanding of how different parts of the skeletal muscles work, which increases sensitivity and trust in your body.
Various types of massage help improve your ability to navigate your own body very well. Only during sessions it is important not to switch off, but to be in an active state, observe your feelings and draw conclusions about your sensitivity.
Also a useful practice for ladies is to explore their sensuality through masturbation. For many, this seems something shameful and sinful. That is why they will burn in a hellish cauldron next to the murderous maniacs.
And this is not surprising, because the parents of many girls scolded and condemned them for their interest in their own genitals. This instilled in them fear and disgust for this wonderful process, which, in addition to pleasant sensations and the development of sensuality, also trains fine motor skills of the hands.
Developing contact with emotions
In addition to the body, it would be nice to study your emotions. After all, bodily tightness manifests itself in emotional constraint. And a person who is not oriented in emotions will not be oriented in choosing a sexual partner. After all, the quality choice of a sexual partner, the ability to create empathic contact with him, the ability to trust him at the right moment and surrender to your emotions, directly affects the ability to achieve orgasm.
You can study your inner world on your own by reading articles like this one, looking at psychological videos (preferably mine), and also communicating with people who are higher than you in personal development.
One of the ways to grow personally and increase emotional awareness is to visit a psychotherapist (well, you understand everything yourself).
A psychotherapist will help:
- Find problems that prevent you from relaxing emotionally and physically;
- Increase self-esteem;
- Learn to turn off internal dialogue
- Concentrate on the desired process.
On the path of personal growth, it is important to admit your own incompetence in certain areas. In order to fill these gaps, you need to be able to use all opportunities to enrich your inner world. And competent specialists can become good assistants.
Get ready for sex
Most often, a woman cannot relax during sex. This is explained by the fact that a woman needs to prepare and tune in to receive pleasure. The sensations you get will largely depend on this. If you get down to business with a clear understanding that heavenly pleasure will soon come, then it will be so.
However, you need to realize that sex is not necessarily an orgasm. Of course, for many it is some kind of end point, pinnacle, peak of the process. But it’s definitely not worth making love just for him. Intimacy may not result in orgasm if the partner is tired or very excited due to everyday activities. Therefore, you need to enjoy the process, concentrate on the sensations and enjoy every moment, and not wait for the orgasm to come.
Female alibidemia, female anorgasmia, the impact of anorgasmia on women's health
Alibidemia ( lack of sexual desire in women ) and anorgasmia negatively affect women's health. They complain of nervous excitement, general depression, depression, and poor health. The lack of orgasm causes congestion and hyperemia of the genital organs, which leads to menstrual irregularities and menorrhagia (bleeding). The husband often reacts negatively to the lack of sexual response from his wife and feels dissatisfied, which negatively affects the stability of the marriage.
Don't rule out foreplay
A very important part of preparing for lovemaking is foreplay. Moreover, women need much more time to “warm up”. When a man experiences an orgasm, his partner is just beginning to approach the peak of pleasure, so do not forget about foreplay. Pay special attention to the erogenous zones, and then you will make sure that girls moan during sex. Why don't you try making foreplay longer? This is a very useful recommendation.
Retardation anorgasmia
Retardation anorgasmia is a consequence of some delay in the development of sexual feelings. It is temporary and always primary. Sometimes it is caused by disharmony in the relationship between spouses. This form is observed both in infantile women and individuals with well-developed secondary sexual characteristics. In the occurrence of anorgasmia in them, an important role is played by individual shyness, temperamental characteristics, and excessive strictness of upbringing, leading to the suppression of sexuality and inhibiting the development of sexual feelings, especially at the beginning of marriage. Women suffering from retardation anorgasmia do not experience dreams of erotic content or orgasms outside of sexual intercourse. Their erogenous zones are weakly reactive, sexual intercourse is indifferent. They usually do not experience a feeling of sexual desire both before marriage and in the first years of married life. But once during sexual intercourse, unexpectedly for themselves, having experienced an orgasm, women then begin to experience it often. Over time, sexual interests, libido, erotic dreams appear, and the sensitivity and reactivity of erogenous zones increases.
Exercise
Getting pleasure largely depends on the preparation of the vaginal muscles. This is because sensations and orgasm are the result of their contractions. To increase the sensitivity of the pelvic organs, you need to ensure a flow of blood to them. This can be achieved through training. Abdominal exercises will give good results. They will tighten the muscles and ensure proper positioning and support of the uterus. Kegel exercises are very useful, the effectiveness of which has long been proven. Their meaning is that you need to consistently strain and contract the vaginal muscles.
What is anorgasmia?
Anorgasmia is the inability of a woman to achieve orgasm during masturbation and sexual intercourse (absence of the sensual peak of orgasm during sexual stimulation). Female anorgasmia is a common manifestation of frigidity, caused by
disharmony of sexual relations. Female anorgasmia can occur as a result of premature ejaculation in the husband, interrupted sexual intercourse, insufficient psycho-erotic preparation of the woman for intimacy, or incorrectly chosen position. Symptoms of anorgasmia range from decreased sensations to complete frigidity. As a rule, it is observed in inexcitable, frigid women.
Study the body
If even you are not familiar with your body, then your partner does not know much. He simply has nowhere to get information about which “buttons to press” in order to deliver true pleasure. Only through trial and error can you figure out how to completely relax during sex. Therefore, study your body, look for your erogenous zones. This can be done alone if you are shy, or with a partner. The latter option will be more enjoyable and exciting.
Feel free to ask your other half to look for your erogenous points with you. He will definitely be carried away by the idea and will do it with enthusiasm and selflessness. Just don’t forget to show your partner that he hit the target. This can be done through words or strong expressions of emotion.
Treatment of anorgasmia in Saratov, how to achieve orgasm?
The need for treatment for these disorders largely depends on how much it bothers the woman. They can serve as a stress factor, negatively affect mood, cause neurotic disorders, and can also be symptoms of neuroses themselves. Some women seek help at the insistence of a partner or because they feel left out in life, comparing their experiences with those of their more sexually reactive friends. In addition to frigidity, which consists of indifference to sexual life, sometimes there is an aversion to sexual intercourse, sexual aversion . Aversion to sex can only concern sexual intercourse, but sometimes it is generalized and even to the touch of a partner (some women tolerate sexual intercourse more easily than tactile stimulation of a partner). Such tactile aversion often depends on a disruption in the relationship with a partner or on specific sexual trauma.
Feel free to make sounds
Loud sighs and moans are a great way to communicate with each other during lovemaking. They help express desire, excitement and pleasure. Experts note that men and women who prefer to have “loud” sex are more sexually satisfied. This can rarely be said about those who indulge in pleasure in silence. Moans help convey information about preferences to your partner, indicating the most pleasant moments.
Have you ever wondered why girls moan during sex? It has long been proven that women use vocalization in bed to achieve orgasm. Loud sounds help saturate with oxygen and automatically increase pleasure, thereby bringing you closer to the peak point faster. Moreover, girls are well aware that men find sighs and moans very exciting. Therefore, they successfully use this to stir up the interest of their chosen one, speed up orgasm and increase his self-esteem. So don't be shy about making sounds during sex.
If you often think: “I can’t relax during sex,” then think about the technique of making love itself. Perhaps you are doing something wrong, although this concept is purely individual and quite flexible.
Treatment of anorgasmia in Russia
Sarklinik provides treatment for anorgasmia in Russia in women , treatment of female anorgasmia in Saratov for girls . Come to us. The doctor will tell you how anorgasmia is treated in Russia, whether anorgasmia occurs in men, what are the causes of anorgasmia, why anorgasmia is dangerous in women, how to treat anorgasmia in Russia at Sarklinik, how coital anorgasmia is treated in Saratov, in the Saratov region, what is false anorgasmia , imaginary anorgasmia syndrome, true anorgasmia syndrome. Sarklinik knows how to cure anorgasmia in Russia, how to get rid of anorgasmia in women in Russia, how to fight and how to overcome anorgasmia . On the website sarclinic.ru you can read reviews from women about the treatment of sexual disorders .
Sign up for a consultation. There are contraindications. Specialist consultation is required. Photo 1: Zigf | Dreamstime.com\Dreamstock.ru. Photo 2: (©) Pixologic | Dreamstime.com \ Dreamstock.ru The people depicted in the photo are models, do not suffer from the diseases described and/or all similarities are excluded.
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Rhythm and breathing
Rhythm in sex is very individual. Some people like slower, softer, neater and gentle movements. Others prefer sharp and quick thrusts. When you make love, pay attention to which option you like best. This will help you relax and experience pleasure.
Proper breathing is also of great importance for obtaining true pleasure. When enough oxygen reaches the body tissues, they receive everything they need. If you take the deepest possible breaths, blood will flow to the pelvis, and the sensations experienced will become not superficial, but more vivid.
Why is potency impaired?
Potency disorders are not only a problem for the elderly. A man can encounter it at any age. In most cases, age factors will vary:
- Age 18-20 years. One of the most common physiological reasons is hormonal imbalances. Often, psychological factors associated with insufficient experience in sex are added to them. The young man tries in every possible way to hide his lack of experience and, as a result, places inflated demands on himself. When real intimate life does not live up to these expectations, severe stress occurs.
- Age 30-40 years. In middle-aged men, potency disorders are more often associated with constant stress. The situation can also be aggravated by emerging diseases of the vascular system. Another reason is prostatitis. This disease has been rapidly becoming “younger” in recent years, as a result of which a man can encounter it at almost any age.
- Age 50-60 years. At this age, the natural processes of aging of the body take effect. Additionally, if a man is taking medications, impotence may be a side effect.
Regardless of a man’s age, all reasons leading to disorders can be divided into two large groups – physiological and psychological. In each case, treatment requires an individual approach.
Poses
Choose the best positions during sex that you think are the most enjoyable. For example, for maximum penetration, the man stands behind him, and the woman takes a knee-elbow position. In common parlance this position is known as “doggy style”. To feel your partner with your whole body, to enjoy kisses and tactile contact, it is better to make love missionary style. In order for a woman to control the situation during sex, she needs to sit on top and become a “rider”. These positions are considered the best, but they may not be suitable for you. Make love the way you like best.
Constitutional anorgasmia
Constitutional anorgasmia is characterized by a lack of libido and orgasm; it can only be primary. The main pathogenetic factor of this form is congenital deficiency of psychosexual functions. Physically, these women are healthy, but their sexual desire is absent or very weak, the erogenous zones are not sensitive, sexual intercourse is indifferent to them, and orgasm outside the act is not observed. Despite the generalized nature of anorgasmia , they do not suffer from their frigidity. Such women can be good mothers and wives, but their intimate life is indifferent to them, they do not want sex .
Practices for relaxation
Sexologists recommend using special practices to relax and enter a state of peace. They help you get rid of extraneous thoughts and tune in to enjoyment. They can be performed periodically at any time, not just before intimacy. Practitioners will teach you how to properly relax during sex in order to experience pleasure.
Relaxation should not be neglected; it is very important in the crazy modern rhythm of life. If you performed serious tasks during the day, then after a hard day you need to relax. Otherwise, tension will remain in the body, and the state of anxiety will develop into a chronic state. It is recommended to do at least one practice every day for ten to fifteen minutes. Only with regular exercise can you get rid of stress.
Let's look at what practices exist to develop the ability to relax during sex.
Fear of death and female orgasm
As you already understand, the fear of orgasm is partly associated with the fear of an altered state of consciousness, which implies letting go of control and completely surrendering to the process of sexual intercourse.
An altered state of consciousness is something that can cause fear similar to the fear of death, since in this state a person’s consciousness turns off for some time. It seems to leave the body. Scientifically speaking, there is a dissociation of consciousness and body. Especially believers may create an analogy with the exit of the soul from the body. What is this if not death?
And indeed, quality sex is something existential. Something that affects the deep layers of the psyche, for contact with which many individuals are simply not ready.
Shaking
This practice is considered very effective. The point is that you need to stand on your feet and begin to wriggle your whole body. This includes shaking your head, arms, legs and hips. It may look funny, but the result will definitely be there. Definitely give it a try, especially if you find yourself wondering every day: Why can’t I relax during sex?
When performing the exercise, it is important to periodically change the rhythm. Otherwise, some muscles will constantly work, while others will be at rest. Approach the practice in a good mood, with a feeling of enjoyment and pleasure. Turn your focus inside your body, listen to it and trust its impulses.
Protective psychogenic anorgasmia
Defensive frigidity is a special form of psychogenic anorgasmia . It protects a woman from sexual arousal that does not lead to sexual satisfaction. It often occurs with premature ejaculation in a husband, when a woman develops a painful state and a feeling of dissatisfaction, orgasm does not occur , and a sharp weakening and decrease in female libido . The entire environment of such sexual intercourse becomes an inhibitory stimulus to sexual function and contributes to the formation of various neurotic conditions. The reasons for persistent anorgasmia may be distrust of the partner, inconsistency of his behavior with the expected, especially when orgasm is accompanied by moans and convulsive movements of the body. For some women, the approach of the first orgasm in life is accompanied by fear, turning into horror, forcing them to interrupt sexual intercourse.
Spontaneous dance
This practice is best done barefoot, listening to the desires of the body. The exercise will be more effective if you turn on music that alternates from slow to active and back again. This will allow you to move smoothly and dance actively. Ideally, you need to practice alone, so that no one sees. This way you can close your eyes and learn to listen to your body. Over time, you will understand how to relax during sex. These should not be movements of beauty or seduction, but a dance of one’s natural beginning. You can imagine yourself as some kind of animal. Release excess activity, rage and the adrenaline that has accumulated during the day.
Special breathing
If for some reason you cannot lie down, shake your body or dance, but need to relax, then try this technique. It is very simple and accessible to everyone. Take a deep breath, mentally collect all the accumulated tension in your body, and then exhale sharply. So alternate actions for at least ten minutes. If you breathe in this way, you will experience deep relaxation. This is what you need after a hard day.
How to relax and enjoy... life
Why the best things in life always come from the opposite - popular American blogger and journalist Mark Manson tells how to stop chasing your own tail.
The US Navy SEALs have a special exercise: they tie a person's hands behind his back, tie his ankles and throw him into a 3-meter deep pool.
His task is to survive for five minutes.
As is often the case in SEAL training, the vast majority of recruits fail. Many immediately panic and start screaming to be pulled out. Some try to swim, but go under water and have to be caught and pumped out. Over the years of training, there have even been deaths several times.
But some people manage to cope with the task, and knowledge of two rather contradictory rules helps them in this.
The first rule is paradoxical: the more you try to keep your head above water, the more likely you are to drown.
It is impossible to hold yourself on the surface of the water for five minutes with your hands and feet tied. Moreover, your erratic twitching will only help you drown even faster. The trick is to allow yourself to sink to the bottom of the pool. Then you should push off with your feet from the bottom and, when you are thrown to the surface, quickly inhale and begin the whole process again.
Oddly enough, this technique does not require either superhuman strength or special endurance. You don't even have to know how to swim; rather, on the contrary, you are required to not even try to do so. You should not resist the laws of physics, you should use them to save your life.
The second lesson is a little more obvious, but also counterintuitive: the more you panic, the more oxygen you need, and the more likely you are to pass out and drown. The exercise turns your survival instinct against yourself: the more intense your desire to breathe, the less ability you will have to do so. And the more intense your will to live, the more likely you are to die.
Thus, this exercise is not about physical strength or willpower. It is aimed at the ability to control oneself in a critical situation. Will a person be able to suppress his instinctive impulses? Will he be able to relax in the face of potential death? Will he be able to risk his life to achieve some higher task?
Self-control is much more important than swimming. It is more important than physical strength, endurance or ambition. It is more important than intelligence, education and how good a person looks in a luxurious Italian suit.
This skill - the ability to not give in to instincts when you want it most - is one of the most important skills that any person can develop in himself. And not only for service in the navy. Just for life.
Most people believe that effort and reward are directly related. We believe that if we work twice as hard, the result will be twice as good. And if we pay twice as much attention to our loved ones, then they will love us twice as much. And if we shout twice as loud, our words will become twice as persuasive.
That is, it is assumed that most of what happens in our lives is described by a linear graph, and that for every “unit” of effort there is a “unit” of reward.
But let me tell you (me, who was hoping that drinking twice as much Red Bull as usual would get this article over with in half the time) - that almost never happens. Most of what happens in the world does not occur according to linear laws. A linear relationship is observed only in the most primitive, monotonous and boring things - when driving a car, when filling out documents, when cleaning the bathroom, etc. In all these cases, if you do something for two hours, you get two times more than if you did it for an hour. But this is due to the fact that there is no need to think or invent.
Most often, the linear relationship is not observed precisely because monotonous mechanical actions make up a smaller part of our life. Most of our activities are complex and require mental and emotional effort.
Thus, most activities follow a diminishing returns curve.
The Law of Diminishing Returns states that, after a certain point, increasing investments do not produce equivalent returns. A classic example is money. The difference between earning 20 thousand and 40 thousand dollars is huge, it completely changes your life. The difference between earning $120,000 and $140,000 only means that your car will have nicer seat heaters. The difference between earnings of $127,020,000 and $127,040,000 is generally within the statistical margin of error.
The concept of diminishing returns applies to most all events that are complex or new. The more often you shower, the more chicken wings you eat at dinner, the longer you maintain the ritual of annual visits to your mother - the less significant each of these events becomes (may my mother forgive me).
Another example: productivity studies show that we are only truly effective in the first four to five hours of our workday. This is followed by a sharp decline in productivity - to the point that the difference between working for 12 hours and working for 16 hours is practically invisible (save for sleep deprivation).
The same rule applies to friendship. A single friend is always vital. Having two friends is always better than having one. But if you add a 10th to 9 friends, this will change little in your life. And 21 friends instead of 20 only brings problems with remembering names.
The concept of diminishing returns works with sex, eating, sleeping, drinking alcohol, working out at the gym, reading books, vacations, hiring employees, consuming caffeine, saving money, scheduling business meetings, studying, playing video games, and masturbating—the examples are endless. The more you do something, the less reward you get for each subsequent action. Almost everything works according to the law of diminishing returns.
Refuse. Give up. Surrender. Not because of weakness, but because of the understanding that the world is wider than our consciousness. Recognize your fragility and limitations. Your finitude in the endless flow of time. This relinquishment of attempts at control speaks not of weakness, but of strength, because you are choosing to give up those things that are beyond your control.
But there is another curve that you have probably never seen or heard of before - this is the inverse (inverted) yield curve.
An inverted yield curve demonstrates those cases where effort and reward are negatively correlated, meaning the more effort you put into something, the less you achieve.
And it is this law that operates in the example with the Navy SEALs. The more effort you put into staying afloat, the more likely you are to fail. Likewise, the stronger your desire to breathe, the more likely you are to choke.
Perhaps now you are thinking - well, why do we need to know all this? We are not going to dive into the pool with our legs and arms tied! Why should we care about reverse curves?
Indeed, there are few things in life that work according to the law of the inverse curve. But the few that exist are extremely important. I will even dare to say that all the most important experiences and events in life work according to the law of an inverse curve.
Effort and reward are directly related when performing primitive tasks. Effort and reward operate under the law of diminishing returns when the action is complex and multidimensional.
But when it comes to our psyche, that is, what happens exclusively in our own consciousness, the relationship between effort and reward is reversed.
Chasing luck takes you even further away from it. The search for emotional peace only makes you more anxious. The desire for greater freedom often makes us feel even more strongly that we are not free. The need to be loved prevents us from loving ourselves.
Aldous Huxley once wrote: “The more often we force ourselves to do something against our will, the less often we succeed. Knowledge and results come only to those who have studied the paradoxical art of doing without doing, of combining relaxation with activity.”
The fundamental components of our psyche are paradoxical. This is due to the fact that when we consciously try to induce a certain mood in ourselves, the brain automatically begins to resist it.
This is the “Reverse Law”: the expectation of a positive result in itself is a negative factor; being prepared for a negative outcome is a positive factor.
This applies to most (if not all) aspects of our mental health and relationships:
Control. The more we strive to control our own feelings and impulses, the more we worry about our incontinence. Our emotions are involuntary and often uncontrollable, and the desire to take control further intensifies them. And vice versa, the calmer we are about our own feelings and impulses, the more opportunities we have to direct them in the right direction.
Freedom. Ironically, the constant desire for greater freedom places more and more barriers in front of us. Willingness to accept freedom within certain boundaries allows us to independently determine these boundaries.
Happiness. Trying to be happy makes us less happy. Reconciliation with failures makes us happy.
Safety. The desire to feel safe creates insecurity in us. Coming to terms with uncertainty makes us feel safe.
Love. The more we try to make others love us, the less inclined they will be to do so. And, more importantly, the less we will love ourselves.
Respect. The more we demand respect for ourselves, the less we will be respected. The more we respect others ourselves, the more respect we will receive.
Confidence. The more we persuade people to trust us, the less often they do so. The more we trust others, the more trust we receive in return.
Confidence. The more we try to feel confident in ourselves, the more worried and worried we become. The willingness to admit our shortcomings allows us to feel more comfortable in our own skin.
Self improvement. The more we strive for perfection, the more acutely we feel that it is not enough. At the same time, the willingness to accept ourselves as we are allows us to grow and develop, because in this case we are too busy to pay attention to secondary things.
Significance. The more significant and deep we consider our own life, the more superficial it is. The more meaning we give to other people's lives, the more important we will become to them.
All these internal, psychological experiences work according to the law of the reverse (inverted) curve, because they are all generated at the same point: in our consciousness. When you desire happiness, your brain is both the source of this desire and the object that should feel it.
When it comes to these lofty, abstract, existential considerations, our brains become like a dog chasing its own tail. To the dog, this chase seems quite logical - after all, if with the help of the chase he gets everything else that is necessary for his dog's life, then why should this time be different?
However, a dog can never catch its own tail. The faster she catches up, the faster her tail runs away. The dog lacks breadth of vision; it does not see that it and the tail are a single whole.
Our task is to wean our brain from chasing its own tail. Give up the pursuit of meaning, freedom and happiness, because they can only be felt when you stop chasing them. Learn to achieve your goal by refusing to pursue this goal. Show yourself that the only way to reach the surface is to allow yourself to sink.
How to do it? Refuse. Give up. Surrender. Not because of weakness, but because of the understanding that the world is wider than our consciousness. Recognize your fragility and limitations. Your finitude in the endless flow of time. This relinquishment of attempts at control speaks not of weakness, but of strength, because you are choosing to give up those things that are beyond your control. Accept that not everyone will always love you, that there are failures in life, and that you won’t always find a clue as to what to do next.
Give up fighting your own fears and insecurities, and when you think that you are about to drown, you will reach the bottom and be able to push off from it, and this will be salvation.
Translation by Dmitry Fomin Original in English - markmanson.net
Belly breathing
When performing this practice, you need to inflate your stomach like a balloon when you inhale, and when you exhale, deflate it. The easiest way to feel this kind of breathing is in a lying position on your back. In this case, it is better to position your legs so that your feet are on the floor and your legs are bent at the knees. In this position, the stomach and lower back relax as much as possible, which is what many women need during sex. It is also recommended to place one hand on the chest and the other on the stomach. This will allow you to monitor the correctness of the exercise. This way you will understand that you are breathing with your stomach and not with your chest.
Mutual understanding with a partner
To experience true pleasure, you need to choose the right partner. Of course, perfect compatibility is rare, but you should still strive for it. Try to please your loved one, and he will respond in kind. Feel free to talk about sex, express wishes and discuss sensations. These should be gentle requests, not intrusive advice. Over time, if this is your person, you will achieve complete mutual understanding.
Now you know how to relax during sex and enjoy the process. Put these recommendations into practice and make love with pleasure!
Fear of strong emotional states
Touching the deep layers of the psyche and contact with the subconscious, which occur during sexual practice, cause cathartic states that imply the emergence of a strong emotional background.
This is due to the fact that in addition to the strong activation of the nervous system, the endocrine system, which controls the internal secretion organs, is also actively involved in the work.
A female orgasm creates a kind of hormonal explosion in the body, provoking such an intense influx of emotions that the consciousness is unable to cope with them and goes into a special mode of functioning.
It is these overwhelming emotions that frighten many girls who have little contact with their feelings and constantly repress them.
There may have been mental traumas in their lives that are now associated with certain emotions. Women try to avoid these emotions. And when they inevitably arise, consciousness displaces them into the unconscious layers of the psyche. And naturally, the hormonal storm called orgasm creates the risk that these demons will come out and drive the girl crazy. After which she will end up in a madhouse, where she will be lobotomized and, drooling, will spend the rest of her days there under potent drugs.
But, fortunately or unfortunately, this can never happen from an orgasm. And all such fears are unfounded. Since the female orgasm cannot bring anything other than pleasure and benefits for the health of the body and psyche.
