Is it possible to survive the death of a child and how to do it?

The loss of your own child cannot be compared with anything. This is the worst thing a parent can experience.

The death of a child can radically change a life , cripple and deprive people of everything bright and good that people had.

Such a loss is terribly difficult to cope with. It hurts both physically and mentally. The man is devastated and broken. But is there life after such terrible grief? How will you force yourself to continue living?

Why do they give birth to children? Find out the opinion of psychologists.

How do parents who have lost their children feel?

Parents who have lost children experience the worst grief possible.

All emotions and feelings intensify and it is often unbearably painful to deal with .

Grief, hopelessness, grief, guilt and much more are felt by parents who have lost their children. It's impossible to put into words. Such a loss is very painful. It seems that it is simply impossible to survive.

The feeling of inner emptiness and the bitterness of loss may not leave the parents for a long time. It is very difficult for them to experience all this. But we need to fight and continue to live.

What to do to drown out your grief

To eliminate fear, drown out pain, stop showing aggression towards others, you need to accept your feelings, live through every emotion. This is the main recommendation of psychologists, but no one warns that the process itself is very painful. It also takes a long time and does not guarantee results, but we must admit that there is no other way to free ourselves from the oppressive state.

Help the poor

In this case, the rule of energy exchange applies. This is the only way to feel relief when a person gives more than he receives. Starting the process of energy exchange allows you to concentrate on the pain of another person, and not your own.

A pet is a good helper

An easier way is to take care of your pet. You can take an animal home or feed street cats and dogs. In any case, a small creature in need of food will receive what it needs. The grieving person will experience positive emotions just from caring for animals.

Play some sports

Prolonged depression, difficult emotions, disturbed sleep and poor nutrition are all factors that contribute to poor health. The body is weakened, susceptible to disease, and against the background of many negative factors, chronic diseases can develop. To keep organs in good shape, it is recommended to run, go to the pool, or work out in the gym at least from time to time - the choice is up to the grieving person.

Start spending time on your health

The human body is strong, but not strong enough to work for long periods under extreme conditions. Sleep disturbances and lack of appetite must be eliminated, and at the same time the nervous system must be supported with sedatives. It is necessary to visit a doctor, he will prescribe treatment or maintenance therapy.

Find a new hobby

When an unborn child or a newborn baby dies, parents cannot find themselves for a long time. At the same time, the meaning of life is lost, there is no strength to do daily work, to take care of business. It is necessary to try to find a new activity, and it is desirable that it brings pleasure or at least weak positive emotions - something for which the grieving person can wake up in the morning.

What stages does a person go through when experiencing the death of a child?

Each person, faced with such great grief, will experience it differently. As a rule, there are from 4 to 7 stages through which a person experiencing loss passes:

1. Denial - what happened puts a person into a stupor and shock.
   He cannot believe what happened, even if he saw it with his own eyes. He doesn’t want to admit it to himself, he denies what happened. He may have mixed memories, confused thoughts, and becomes disoriented in time. At this stage the person may be very absent-minded and forgetful. He begins to behave in a way that was not typical for him before. This phase doesn't last too long. But a person needs to experience it in order to accept the loss in the future. At this moment, his loved ones should make sure that he is comfortable and not lonely.
2. Anger, rage, resentment - a person begins to get angry at the situation. He hates everything around him, it seems to him that everything is wrong and unfair. He can take out his anger on a dead child, “How could you leave me.” This period is very painful and emotional. All feelings come out. He may have a hysteria, he may lose his temper.
3. Feeling of guilt - at this stage a person begins to blame himself for what happened, for the fact that he devoted little time to his child, for not saying something.
   People start replaying their entire lives, all their memories, and reproaching themselves. The feeling of guilt is very deeply rooted in a person. It can stay with him for many years, or even for life.
4. Depression usually occurs in the type of people who keep all their emotions and experiences inside. Everything around seems gray, and life is meaningless. At this moment, it is important to have someone nearby who will support you. This phase can drag on for a long time. From 2 months to 2 years. But, of course, everything is individual.
5. Acceptance - after all the previous stages, as a rule, acceptance and humility comes to a person. Time will pass, emotions will subside, and it is important at this moment to decide to move on, accept what happened and let go. It is extremely difficult to do this, but it is necessary. The loss of a child is a very terrible grief and it is very difficult to accept. But you need to live and return to your usual rhythm.

Should I have a second child? Read about it here.

We'll live on the memories

Reliving old moments that are long gone is often the only way to hold on. But at the same time, painful memories do not allow one to return to life. It is necessary to maintain a balance between these states, which is difficult to do, given the absent-mindedness of parents’ attention, lethargy, withdrawal, and ignorance of others and what is happening. At first, the child's things remain in place, but it is difficult to store them forever, because it is a source of constant pain. You should leave some of them, remove the rest, but not too far (in the attic, in the garage).

Photos and videos may disappear because electronic media are unreliable. It is recommended to make a printout and make an album. This will be a great way to preserve memories. Parents keep casts of small legs, arms, the first cut curls, and lost teeth. This will create a complete image of the child, giving a feeling of his presence, albeit invisible.

What are the best words to say at a funeral?

The burial process is one of the difficult stages for parents. They watch as the small coffin sinks underground, taking the baby away forever. After this, it’s hard to collect yourself and bring yourself back to life. The length of the grief period at this stage increases many times over. But during the funeral, a few words should be said about the deceased child. One of the parents or other relatives can do this. Those who come speak mainly words of support to the grieving. How to support them:

“We grieve with you. There are no words to describe the magnitude of the sorrow."

“My words will not make up for your loss, but your son/daughter is now with the angels, not in pain, and will be nearby. Be strong"

“May (name of the deceased) find peace”

“The magnitude of your grief is unimaginable, words of consolation are meaningless, so accept my help, contact me at any time of the day.”

“We grieve with you. The loss of such a bright child is a great grief, we are here and will support you in any situation.”

How to honor your child's memory in the future

The relatives tidy up the baby’s grave, install a monument after 1 year, and also regularly take care of the site: they clean it, plant flowers, and come often. For parents, this is not just a way to honor the memory of the deceased, but also an opportunity to get closer to the child, even in such an unusual way. Other options:

• wakes are organized periodically, you can gather relatives at the table, remember the child, share good stories;
• order a church service, which will help provide assistance to the soul of the deceased.

Advice from psychologists

How to cope with the loss of a child during pregnancy? Some people think that if the child was not born, then it is easier to cope with the loss. But that's not true. Mom carries her baby under her heart, she feels him and already loves him immensely.

Therefore, it is just as difficult for her to cope with loss as it is for others. The first thing to do is admit and realize what happened. Then force yourself to get up and do something.

After a miscarriage, women often begin to feel depressed; they need to get out of this state as quickly as possible.

If there are other children, they will help. After all, they need to be taken care of.

Nothing heals like being busy . Busy with children, work, household chores, etc.

In this case, time flies by unnoticed, and all bad thoughts fade into the background.

How to cope with the death of a newborn child? The death of a long-awaited and beloved child during childbirth is very difficult to survive. He comes into this world and does not yet have time to meet his parents, and they do not meet him. It is very difficult to survive such grief.

Some people advise having a child immediately after a loss. But here everything is individual. Parents must decide for themselves whether they are ready for this or whether it is best to wait.

After all, during pregnancy they will be afraid of problems, nervous and worried, and this may not have a very good effect on the child . Therefore, before making such an important decision, you need to think carefully about everything.

How to live after losing a child? After parents lose their child, it is very difficult for them to return to their normal lives. But it needs to be done. The main thing is to survive the grief. Give vent to your emotions and feelings.

Cry and speak out. You really need to do this, it will make it easier.

Try not to dwell on what happened, so as not to become obsessed with this situation.

It's difficult to do, but you have to try. You need to get up every morning and do your business.

Cooking, going to work, meeting friends. This cannot be done right away, but over time, everything will come to its senses .

How to get rid of depression during pregnancy? Find out about this from our article.

How long does it take to recover from the loss of a child?

– This is, of course, a very individual question. I can only give a very average range: 6–18 months. I would rather like to draw attention to those symptoms that should alert you:

• absence of feelings for two or more weeks after the loss;
• severe grief after two years or more;
• suicidal thoughts and intentions;
• long-term depression accompanied by insomnia;
• complete change in lifestyle;
• a very socially active lifestyle or, conversely, an increasing desire for privacy;
• the appearance of psychosomatic diseases (rheumatoid arthritis, asthma, migraines, neurodermatitis, etc.);
• prolonged illness or injury to one of the family members, especially a child.

If you notice similar symptoms in yourself or your loved ones, this is a reason to immediately contact a psychotherapist or family psychologist.

How to help a loved one whose baby has died?

A person who has lost a child desperately needs the support of loved ones . Even if they demonstrate with all their behavior that this is not so.

1. Need to be close .
   It is important that the person knows that you are nearby at all times. There is no need to leave him, even if he wants to. You can leave him alone, but you still need to be close.
2. Be prepared to hear angry messages addressed to you . A person experiencing such a terrible loss may not be able to control himself. Don't get offended and leave.
3. Be there during the funeral , even if you have very important things to do, they all need to be cancelled. At this moment, a person experiences loss especially acutely, and it is important for him to know that you are nearby.
4. Help the person with some deeds . Whatever he needs, do it. Help around the house, prepare meals, etc.
5. Hug your loved one more often. Support him, listen to him, let him cry.
6. Under no circumstances should you say: “Calm down and move on,” “You should move on, this is what your child would want,” “You will have more children,” “Suck it up,” and stuff like that.
   It’s better to ask more often to talk about your feelings, because the grieving person needs to share with someone.
7. There is no need to advise anything in this situation . If you can’t find the right words, then it’s better to just remain silent.
8. There is no need to compare the death of a child with the death of someone else . The death of a child is the greatest grief, which is incomparable to the death of a friend or grandmother.

How to cope with postpartum depression on your own? Find out the answer right now.

How soon can a couple start thinking about getting pregnant again?

– When all stages of grief have passed. Usually this happens no earlier than a year later. But this is where it’s definitely worth consulting with experts.

Important: if you or your loved ones have lost a very young child (as a result of a miscarriage, in the last stages of pregnancy, during childbirth or in the first months of the baby’s life), you can join the “Memory Cloud” support group on Facebook, Instagram, Viber.

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How do the experiences of men and women differ?

Life is cyclical and moves in a predetermined circle. For parents, the stages are: preparation for birth, acceptance of the newborn, care, preparation for the school period, preparation for adolescence, separation, marriage, etc. The sudden death of a son distorts everything, breaks patterns, disrupts established cyclic phases, and is impossible to accept.

Mother and father experience the tragedy in different ways. Women are thought to cope better with this pain. Perhaps because those who give life accept death more easily. Women let their feelings come out. Fathers worry more in silence, keeping their sadness to themselves. Male pain is usually dull and deep. They have fewer resources to deal with it. It is very important to calm a man down, even if he seems outwardly calm, to talk to him and support him.

How they say goodbye to deceased children's souls in different countries

The rules for burying deceased children in different countries do not differ from the procedure for burying adults, while the canons of the religion professed in the ethnic group are decisive. But there are some differences. Considering that children are mostly pure and blameless, this aspect can be highlighted. In different countries, its symbol is the color of clothes or flowers that loved ones bring. So, preference is given to light shades, it can be pale pink or white. But flowers are not always welcomed at funerals; for example, this tradition is unacceptable for representatives of Islam.

Stages of Grief

For parents, the loss of a son is a terrible tragedy, because it is impossible to find a reason that would justify this departure. But the worst thing is that there is no cure for this torment. Along with the death of a child, a mother buries her heart; it is impossible to survive the death of her son, just as it is impossible to move a mountain. But suffering can be alleviated. You need to live your grief from beginning to end. It will be incredibly difficult, incredibly difficult, but nature itself has a natural mechanism for relieving stress from difficult circumstances. If you go through all the steps, it will become a little easier. So, what stages does someone who has experienced the death of their son go through:

1. Shock.
2. Sobs and hysterics.
3. Depression.
4. Mourning.
5. Parting.

Salvation in the Church

The grief experienced leaves an indelible mark. It is impossible to return to your old life, but there is a chance to build a new one. Only for this it is necessary to change something, perhaps your worldview, life circumstances, your vision of the situation - it depends on the characteristics of the person’s character, his condition. But most often, parents strive to survive the death of a child by being closer to God - in church.

Traveling to temples

You can find new meaning in life by going on a pilgrimage. Visiting holy places, churches, temples, monasteries will help strengthen your faith. This means that the level of pain may become less, because in such cases a person gets closer to Divine truths, gains a different understanding of his problems, and reconsiders his previous life.

Prayer as salvation from torment

Turning to God makes it possible to change the priorities that were previously set. According to the tenets of Christianity, a person experiences hardship in the name of change, accepts a test or punishment. But it is impossible to fully understand the ways of the Lord, so all that remains for a believer is to pray, ask to strengthen the spirit and body, because it is not always possible to feel the strength that is given to overcome difficult situations. By pronouncing sacred words, a person experiences relief. You can additionally light a candle for the deceased and order a memorial service.

Confession

Priests greet believers who come to confession followed by communion. This is an important ritual that allows you to get closer to Divine love and feel its grace. Those who have lost themselves need to pour out their souls, feel a helping hand, especially if this is an invisible touch of the heart by Christ, and not the physical closeness of loved ones, since the first is true happiness, while the second is temporary. Confession before a clergyman gives a feeling of closeness to God, because the priest is a mediator between the Almighty and people, he guides, helps, and consoles.

Forums and relief organizations

Today, various centers are opening to provide assistance to people who find themselves in difficult psychological situations. The table contains the main organizations of this type: