“Out of sight, out of mind,” if only it were so simple... In the harsh reality of gray everyday life, the more you try to distract yourself from the thoughts that endlessly scroll through your head, the more difficult it is to do so. And every time they become more and more intrusive. Not everyone can independently overcome the depressing state of all-consuming melancholy and sadness. Note that it can lead to nervous exhaustion, and then not far from a psychiatric hospital. So let's take care of ourselves and get rid of longing for a person who is not around for some reason.
Start appreciating yourself and your life
The next piece of advice on how to stop missing your loved one is to realize that you are worth a better life. You deserve all the best that is in this life, good people who will begin to appear as soon as you free yourself from unnecessary thoughts and begin to live a full life. After all, you are simply accustomed to this feeling of loss, and you are afraid to let it go. But you need to do it.
You must stop blaming yourself or your partner for failures. Free yourself from anger, anger, resentment and other negative feelings. What's done is done, it's already in the past, and you need to think about the present and the future. Therefore, start spending more time on yourself and your desires. Start meeting your friends. Start doing things that bring you pleasure and happiness. Live your life to the fullest so that you simply don’t have time to think about the past.
Emotional addiction
Why are people bored? Because they are emotionally dependent, that is, they feel that they have lost personal autonomy (or have actually lost it). As a result, the person:
- Experiences suffering when the object of his feelings is unavailable/not paying attention, etc.
- He feels that he cannot free himself from this addiction.
- Is under a negative chronic influence that binds his feelings.
Indeed, when a person enters into a close relationship with someone, he involuntarily falls into emotional dependence. For example, if his companion feels good, then the person rejoices, and if he feels bad, then he begins to feel sad. And this can continue for a long time, people seem to have turned into two communicating vessels and now they can’t live without each other. That's why a person gets bored.
Switching technique
The next tip on how to stop missing your loved one is to use the switching technique. In this case, you need to sit in a quiet place and close your eyes. Next, try to create a negative emotion associated with your separation, and stay in it. It will be a little difficult and you won't be comfortable, but that's completely normal. Let all these feelings flow into your body. Don't be afraid to feel as bad as possible.
After that, you need to create a different feeling. Create a feeling of what you want. In my experience, it's better to look for a feeling that makes you feel good even when you're alone. How can you create the feeling of something else? We all have this ability. We can change our emotional response in an instant.
Just remember a few good words or phrases that you like and lift your spirits. Say them out loud, now sit down and repeat them in your mind. I realize this may all sound a little strange and you might want to read something more interesting. But I do this exercise all the time and it really works!
Our thoughts and feelings are a huge force. Do this exercise several times a day, every time you think about this person. Over time, you will be able to do this exercise in one fell swoop, and you will begin to feel much better. You can use this technique for everything in life.
"Gold fish"
All people have at least once dreamed of a goldfish appearing in their life and fulfilling all their desires. Melancholy is exactly the state when it’s finally time to turn this fantasy into reality. What is the point of this technique? The problem is that a person crushed by hopelessness has practically no goals, aspirations, or hopes. All he wants is to be left alone and not be annoyed with unnecessary worries and stupid questions. As a rule, with the advent of despondency, time seems to freeze: career, development of personal relationships, communication with friends, self-improvement - everything freezes. This happens precisely because of the lack of desires.
They need to be awakened within yourself. As soon as you want something bright, good, positive, it means the ice has broken. But how to do that? To begin with, write down what could please you at the moment. Then distribute everything into two columns: positive and negative.
For example:
Write down in the columns everything that comes to mind - even the wildest and most unrealizable fantasies. At this stage, the main thing is to find them in yourself. Fill out the tablet for 3-4 days, catching desires and remembering what you love and what brings you true pleasure. Now is the time to give them to the goldfish for sale. Proceed according to the following algorithm:
- Re-read the column with negative desires. Realize that each of them brings false pleasure.
- Tear this part of the sheet and throw it away (burn it/throw it to the wind).
- Re-read the column with positive desires.
- Choose from them the one that can be implemented right now without any problems.
- Make sure that it will truly become a source of positive emotions for you.
Give the goldfish the task of making your chosen wish come true. Have you already guessed that you will play it yourself? Go and buy yourself a bucket of ice cream. Turn on a funny comedy and eat your favorite treat while listening to it. The main thing is to feel this moment, catch a little happiness, remember a pleasant moment, and be filled with positive emotions. This is the first step to getting rid of melancholy.
Tomorrow go for a walk, the day after tomorrow play your favorite online strategy game. Then take on more difficult desires. Do you want to be understood? Then you need to open up to someone, and for this you will at least have to go out into society and start communicating. Have you always dreamed of buying a pug? So what's the deal? After all, you are a goldfish yourself. Get a job, climb the career ladder, save money - and soon you won’t have to get rid of boredom yourself. After all, a little fluffy bundle of happiness will do a great job with it.
Try to bring love back into your life
Of course, you don’t need to spend all your free time on dating sites, and immediately after breaking up with your loved one, look for a replacement. But you also don't have to be alone for long periods of time. Just look around. Perhaps there are already people in your circle who care about you.
Start spending more time with your closest people. Start attending more social events, meeting new people, and socializing more. You need to be patient. Because strong feelings don't go away quickly. And time is another assistant in the question of how to stop missing your loved one. The main thing is to endure the first months after separation. After this, you will begin to notice that negative thoughts will come less and less often.
Worst ally
Even at the first stage after a breakup, when sadness has just begun to creep into your heart, it is worth remembering that alcohol does not help you stop yearning for a person. The characters of many films and books have sought solace at the bottom of a glass; such images are dramatic and romanticized, but in life everything is much more prosaic. Under the influence of alcohol, a person does not find relief; often his condition only worsens. The risk of making irreparable mistakes is growing.
But we note that this coin has two sides. One evening with your best friend or girlfriend, a bottle of wine and a sit-down in a cozy kitchen can work better than any therapy. And if you want to give up on all your problems and go with your friends to a club where you can have fun until the morning, then by all means go. Allow yourself to relax once, but don't make it a system.
Look for joy in life
You need to start enjoying at least something. Buy something you've been wanting for a long time. Ask for a vacation from work and travel to other countries. Watch funny movies and read interesting books. Look for ways to distract yourself from reality. Try something new. Start developing new qualities in yourself, learn foreign languages, find new hobbies or interests. Overall, you should be busy doing things that bring you joy and pleasure.
Consequences of melancholy
Melancholy generates fear and is physically and mentally exhausting. “Sick” and “sick” are the closest concepts to melancholy. We can be “sick” of the world, of ourselves. If a person feels sick, it means that he is doing something wrong in his life. There is nothing more terrible and destructive than rejection and self-loathing.
Although melancholy is similar to sadness, they are different concepts. Everyone feels sad, but sadness only strikes those who have not found or have lost themselves, their place in life. Next to longing there is always hope for a return to previous conditions, habits, emotions, people, ourselves. Melancholy is preceded by sadness, and after melancholy comes a feeling of hopelessness and depression. It is important to notice this in time and begin to solve internal problems. The phrase “don’t be sad”, of course, will not help, you need to act.
Make a list of tasks for the day
As I said earlier, in order to stop missing your loved one, you must keep yourself busy with something. In this case, a list of tasks for the day or a list of tasks that you will switch to when you remember your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend will help you. Over time, this will become a habit and become a mechanical action. If you don't have tasks to occupy yourself with, then move on to other people. Your loved ones and friends will help you switch to other states and feelings. After communicating with them, you will have completely different thoughts and feelings.
Filling the void
When someone close or loved one leaves, people feel discomfort, a contradictory feeling of incompleteness and brokenness appears. In such cases, you should not bother with the pathological “I miss” the one who left, you need to make your own day as busy as possible.
Start simple - with your hobby. Devote a few hours to what you love. Then read a book by your favorite writer, don’t forget about a walk with your best friends, go to the premiere of a new film.
It’s not for nothing that our great-grandfathers said that any problem can be cured with work. Take on several additional projects, take part in organizing an event, attend an exhibition in the evening, and devote the weekend to charity.
You can also find useful activities at home: rearrange things, hang wallpaper, learn a new recipe. If you wanted to lose extra pounds or go on a trip, now is the time.
The more ideas for active pastime, the better, the faster you can get rid of obsessive thoughts. And over time, you won’t even notice how longing and boredom will turn into pleasant nostalgia.
7. Get rid of things that remind you of this person
Another important thing that can contribute to memories of a loved one is the various things that are associated with him. You need to get rid of them as quickly as possible. If you lived together, then collect all of his or her belongings and mail them. If you find it difficult to get rid of these things, then ask your friends to help you.
Also delete your photos and correspondence on social networks together. Get rid of anything that might remind you of this person. This way you can forget him much faster and return to a normal and happy life.
Fight or accept?
First of all, analyze the situation. Is it really that bad? Why are you upset, why do you miss the person? Perhaps you are oppressed by a lack of attention? But is your loved one really indifferent to you? It happens that things can still be fixed.
If the relationship between the spouses has gone wrong, but the question of divorce has not even been raised yet, you should not draw premature conclusions. Perhaps you should stop being offended by little things and making scandals, and everything will work out on its own. If you can still fight for your love, by all means do it.
But when the relationship is over, trying to return everything can only irritate the object of your desire. It happens that you need to calmly accept the situation and learn to live on.
New goals
Poems not given? No problem! Try yourself in something else. The main thing is that the work brings pleasure. By the way, from these attempts to distract yourself and occupy your thoughts with something, something more can grow. Perhaps you will find a job that you love with all your heart.
In the 21st century, fortunately, there are many opportunities for this. Large and even small cities are full of master classes, and for those for whom this is unattainable, remote courses will help. Make pots and knit fluffy mittens, paint in oils and carve wood, draw and sew. Or maybe you've always dreamed of learning how to install stoves or getting a license to drive a truck? Great, now is the time for this. The more interesting things you find for yourself, the less time and energy you will have to miss the person who is not with you.
Do what you want
The best way to distract yourself from bad thoughts is to fill your life with many events and find a way to have fun. Now is the time to take bold actions and make your dreams come true. Let it be small whims - a new hairstyle, signing up for a massage course, going to the spa or cinema, a new tattoo. This will give you the opportunity to feel your freedom and begin to enjoy it, and small joys will gradually begin to crowd out the unpleasant consequences of the breakup.
Why do men leave their wives?
