Reasons to divorce your husband: how to understand that it’s time to leave? ⇒ Blog of Yaroslav Samoilov

Just fifty years ago, the mentality obliged a woman to endure all injustices from her husband and under no circumstances file for divorce.
Over time, values have changed. It didn't make the women any happier, but it might have made them feel a little freer. For what reasons you need to divorce your husband is a purely personal matter, but in the article we will talk about in what cases divorce is inevitable and justified. From this article you will learn:

What are the divorce statistics in modern families?
What are the reasons for divorcing your husband?
Why women are afraid of divorce

Which families are at risk: divorce statistics

According to statistics, a third of marriages end in divorce. In the first place at risk are couples who have been together for three to six years and have a young child. Contrary to expectations, children do not keep spouses in a marriage, but on the contrary, they can be a catalyst for a breakup.

In second place were couples with 20–25 years of married life experience. Spouses, having put their children on their feet, suffer from the “empty nest” syndrome and are looking for new life guidelines. Surprisingly, divorces are least likely to occur in childless families, when the reason for the separation is the desire to have their own or adopted children.

Many couples find themselves dangerously close to divorce. Some of them have a poor chance of survival to begin with. For example, marriages concluded due to pregnancy, or early unions, when the guy and girl are 18 years old and do not yet understand what they want from life.

Psychologists advise not to rush into a wedding if the couple has been dating for only six months. An additional six months of relationship will help young people get to know each other better, and most importantly, get to know their partner’s shortcomings. The family will be stronger when the guy and girl getting married know what weaknesses of the other half they will have to put up with.

Young people are often disappointed in family life because they are faced with a discrepancy between their ideas about marriage and reality. The discrepancy between dreams and surrounding reality creates an unfavorable atmosphere in a young family.

The selfish interest of a man, because of which he got married, can become a significant reason for a woman to divorce her husband. If a girl is young and attractive, the last thing she wants is to stay married so that her husband can assert himself at her expense.

Emotional dependence can also destroy the union between a man and a woman. Such relationships cannot initially be called healthy. You may need the help of a specialist so that partners learn to be self-sufficient and learn what true love is.

If there are no sincere feelings at the heart of a marriage, it is doomed to failure from the very beginning. A woman can enjoy the patronage and money of her husband, but over time, irritation, anger, and disappointment will accumulate, which sooner or later will find a way out and it is unknown what dead end the family will lead to. Today, marriage is not perceived as something indestructible. In pursuit of personal happiness, men and women, without hesitation, sacrifice what has been built over the years. In the first years of marriage, 40% of couples divorce, in the first 10 years - more than 60%.

According to statistics, marriages concluded before the age of 30 are twice as durable as unions formed by people over 30. This is due to the fact that in adulthood it is more difficult to adapt to another person, put up with his weaknesses, change his habits, and satisfy his partner’s needs , and not just your own. People over thirty find it more difficult to fit into family roles, especially if they have no experience of living together.

The main reasons for divorcing a husband:

ill-considered marriage or union of convenience;
betrayal, dissatisfaction with intimate life;
unpreparedness for family life and responsibility. Incompatibility of views, values and characters;
bad habits of one of the partners.

Let us note the most common reasons for divorce from a husband:

42% is occupied by the psychological unpreparedness of partners for family life. It can be expressed in the rudeness of spouses, humiliation and insults, unwillingness to help in solving everyday problems, lack of common interests, and inability to compromise.
23% of men and 31% of women indicated alcoholism as the main reason for divorce.
15% of women and 12% of men cited infidelity as a reason for breaking up a relationship.
Only 9% of women cite the main reason for divorcing their husbands as their partner’s reluctance to help in solving everyday problems. Research says that 40% of spouses help their wives run the household.

Other reasons for separation of partners do not play such a significant role. From the point of view of women, 3.1% is occupied by domestic unsettlement, 1.8% by material difficulties, 1.6% by different views on material well-being, 1.5% by groundless jealousy, 0.8% by intimate dissatisfaction, 0 .2% – absence of children.

Men assess the reasons for breaking up a relationship with their spouse differently. 37% of respondents cited the lack of serious intimacy as the reason for separation. 29% of men lacked attention and tenderness, and 14% lacked stable intimate relationships. 9% of respondents complained of lack of care. 14% of husbands felt excessive importunity on the part of their wife.

All families on the verge of divorce have a common problem - they do not fully understand the reason for the separation. If spouses knew how to talk to each other, talk about their problems and listen to the needs of their partner, they would be able to avoid many conflict situations, reach a compromise and save the family.

Make the final decision i

The first problem many of those who are dissatisfied with their current relationships is the variability of perception. Today it seems that things are going from bad to worse, and you can’t stay with this idiot for another minute; the next day the situation seems not so tragic and even shows hope for improvement.

Many people don’t even think about properly preparing for divorce. People think that the sooner they get out of a stressful situation - that is, end their marriage - the better it will be for them. Especially if this opinion is encouraged by relatives or friends. But unfortunately, in many cases the exact opposite happens. Couples who make hasty decisions do not have time to sort out their feelings and consider possible options. As a result, their life after the divorce turns into a nightmare roller coaster emotionally. Instead of improving the situation, they simply trade one set of problems for another.

Other reasons to divorce your husband

In modern society, the very concept of indestructibility and value of marriage vows has been lost. The younger generation is quite frivolous about family ties. Personal comfort trumps the need to consider the interests of another person.

For women, a common reason for divorce from their husband is a change in social roles. Today, many ladies try on male roles: they provide for their families, make important decisions on their own, and do not ask for help. At some point, a woman may realize that her husband is a burden to her and file for divorce.

Another reason for divorcing your husband may be unjustified expectations. This behavior is more typical for young and immature ladies. When they got married, they thought that their spouse would constantly carry them in their arms, and the romance would never end. But the reality turned out to be completely different. The husband quickly lost his halo as a handsome prince and turned into an ordinary man who loves to eat borscht and lie on the couch after work. In this case, much depends on the woman’s upbringing and worldview. And if one girl is able to change her mind, accept that life is different from fantasy, and save the family, then the second will file for divorce and will blame her husband for this.

A common reason for divorce from a husband is infidelity. Infidelity destroys trust between spouses and faith in love. Many people treat it as a betrayal that cannot be forgiven. But first of all, betrayal indicates that not everything is in order in the family and there is no mutual understanding between the partners. Irritation from everyday contradictions and unresolved conflicts can accumulate for years and provoke infidelity of one of the spouses. Cheating can also happen in a prosperous family, especially if the partners have been married for a long time. In most cases, such frivolous behavior is typical of men who suffer from routine and monotony and are looking for thrills.

A person’s ability to remain faithful to his other half is directly related to his attitude towards sex before marriage, and this applies equally to representatives of both sexes. People who are used to being promiscuous find it more difficult to limit themselves and be faithful to their partner. Sex at an early age is not based on love, but on instincts and passion. In the future, this leads to the fact that a person’s level of responsibility and sense of duty towards the other half decreases. With frequent changes of partners, a man or woman begins to view sex not as an act of love, but as a non-binding procedure.

Unfortunately, recently, reasons for divorce from a husband such as aggressive behavior, violence, alcoholism, and drug addiction have become more common. This is a sad statistic that shows that moral and moral values are deteriorating in society.

Surprisingly, the anticipation and birth of the first child can be a serious test for family relationships. Many marriages break up in the first years after the birth of a child, and the initiator of divorce is most often the man.

After the birth of a baby, caring for her spouse fades into the background for a woman. And the man, trying to adapt to the change in life, puts all the responsibilities around the house and childcare on his other half. As a result, the woman has no time left for her husband, who begins to feel abandoned, unloved and forgotten. Since this is a difficult and turning point period in the lives of both spouses, they cannot adequately assess what is happening.

The woman feels constant fatigue and lack of sleep; it is generally difficult for her to concentrate and understand the claims of her lover, because she constantly takes care of the child and at the same time tries to keep the house clean and ready-made food in the refrigerator. As a result, negativity begins to accumulate in the soul and gradually the partners move away from each other. The man sees the only way out of this situation as divorce.

To prevent this from happening, you can wish spouses with small children to learn to listen not only to themselves and their needs, but also to think about their other half, take care of her and solve all problems together. It’s rare, but it happens that women cite banal boredom as the reason for divorcing their husbands. The period of falling in love and ardent passion is long behind us; over the years of marriage, the spouses have gotten to know each other so well that there is no longer anything to quarrel about. Love has given way to friendship and partnerships. Every day goes the same way, the spouses do not expect surprises and unexpected actions from each other.

But this state of affairs may not suit every woman. A lady dissatisfied with life begins to look for positive emotions outside the home, and then comes to the conclusion that it is easier to get a divorce and try to start over than to maintain a joyless and dull marriage.

Signs that divorce from your husband is near

A woman may have good reasons to divorce her husband, but she will not always be in a hurry to do so. However, there are some signs of an imminent breakup. Spouses may be aware of them, or they may experience subconscious anxiety, but not understand its origins. Women, as a rule, are more sensitive to various signals and signs, because their intuition is stronger than that of men.

The first sign of impending trouble may be limited communication between spouses. One of the partners becomes withdrawn, stops sharing his thoughts and experiences, and does not respond to affectionate touches. Of course, such behavior is not always a sign of an imminent divorce. A person can, for example, get sick and because of this become isolated on his problem. Any situation requires clarification; there is no need to panic ahead of time.

But if things really are headed towards divorce, then over time the following points will appear in the husband’s behavior:

refusal of physical intimacy;
irritation when showing signs of attention from the wife;
making important decisions independently, without joint discussion with your spouse;
to the question “how was your day?” the answer will be “this is my personal matter, which does not concern you.”

If you notice all of the above points in your spouse’s behavior, then the situation is critical. Of course, you can still save your family, but you will have to work very hard on yourself first.

Not all people can cope with the problem of saving a marriage on their own. If you feel that the situation has reached a dead end and your internal resources are at their limit, then you need to contact a specialist. It will help restore the balance of power in the body, soberly assess the current situation and your capabilities.

People can have different attitudes towards the same events and actions. And if one woman says that she has a lot of reasons to divorce her husband, then the second may find them insignificant and far-fetched.

Many girls strive to get married at the age of 18, without thinking about the fact that at this age a holistic and objective idea of real life has not yet been formed. Infantile ladies who avoid responsibility will hold on to marriage until the last moment, even when there is no longer any point in doing so. For what reasons is it necessary to divorce your husband?

Firstly, if the relationship has finally broken down. A man lives his life without emotional attachment to his family and without perceiving it as part of himself. He feels nothing towards his wife except hostility and irritation. All the happy moments of marriage are long gone, and the memories of them have practically been erased.

Secondly, if a woman is faced with domestic violence or bad habits of her husband. Unfortunately, over the years people can change for the worse. More precisely, with age, internal restrictions weaken, and what was kept in check breaks out. A man, in a fit of rage, no longer hesitates to raise his hand against his wife and even children, and drowns all everyday worries and problems in a glass of vodka. It is impossible to change an adult and make him better. For many people, such attempts, on the contrary, will cause aggression and anger, which will aggravate the emotional pressure on their spouse. Therefore, a woman needs to either resign herself and endure, or muster up courage and file for divorce.

However, most of the reasons why women divorce their husbands are individual in nature and depend entirely on moral values, personal ideals, principles and outlook on life. One thing is undeniable - you cannot force a person to save his family. If the decision has been made, then it is pointless to keep it, because in such a relationship neither party will be happy. After all, a family is not a yoke or a heavy burden, but a voluntary union of two adults, built on mutual love, respect and understanding.

How to become happy after a divorce and return to a normal life?

The first time will be the hardest; you shouldn’t be too demanding of yourself during this period. But you need to understand that relief will definitely come and you will become happy. Time heals even other wounds, everything will calm down, the resentment will pass, a new life will begin. It is important not to mess things up, maintain self-respect, restore self-esteem if it has been greatly shaken by divorce and believe in the best, which is just around the corner.

To recover quickly from a divorce, you need to solve all the pressing problems as efficiently as possible. Sit down and think carefully about what tasks your ex-husband performed and what you now have to do yourself. Write down all the problems and ways to solve them. When you realize that you can handle most tasks on your own, this will fill you with confidence and contribute to the speedy restoration of self-esteem and return to normal life.

Quote Frustration will either destroy you or lead you to success - it all depends on what you choose.

Karen Covey.

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How to increase self-esteem?

Let's use men as an example. How can a man improve his self-esteem? For example, if a man grows in his career and business, then his self-esteem also grows. He becomes more courageous, more self-confident. Why? Because he understands that the more successful he is, the more valuable he is, in principle, to many people. And his condition changes because of this.

Many girls also resort to this when pursuing a career or business. But it is important to understand, yes, self-esteem from a career or business can also grow higher, but this is not a woman’s self-esteem, this is a person’s self-esteem. And often a woman can be confident in work, in business, but often nonsense happens in life. And often there is such a dissonance that she is successful in her career and business, but not in relationships. It's different for women. A woman's self-esteem greatly depends on the quality of her relationships with men.

This is how the world works. This does not mean that you should bow down to someone or try. No. This means that you must first establish a relationship with yourself. These are the most important relationships you need to establish. And when you establish them, your relationships with men will also improve. Until you have established a relationship with yourself, you want to manipulate, you want to pretend to be someone you are not, and you attract the same men who pretend to be someone they are not. And you and each other have hard sex in the brain. If you are satisfied with this, then continue in the same spirit, if you are not satisfied with this, ask yourself more often the question: what is my plan, what do I really want and what am I doing or not doing for this. Am I moving exactly towards my goals and desires or am I marking time.

Do you want to know what a man needs to make you happy? Sign up for a free online course Man: honest instructions

Get yourself out of the "SWAMP"

Give yourself time and go through the breakup alone, “get over it,” cry, get angry at him and at yourself, talk it out, write down this “pain,” even get some sleep... but determine for yourself the time to “live” the pain. Let it be 1-3-6 months. This must be done so as not to get stuck in this state of “illness” for a long time. AND THAT'S ALL!
At this time, you need to “clean” everything, from cabinets to cleaning old things that remind you of this person. Just put it “out of sight.” Give rest to your memory, you don’t need to stumble upon his “favorite cup”, photo, chair, book. Remove EVERYTHING.
Change your image and go in for sports. There will be more “good” adrenaline, as well as positive emotions.
Psychological support would be of great help to you. You will get through everything faster and easier, and the topic will be closed to you. It’s easier to draw your new image with a psychologist. It will also help us come out of this crisis energetically renewed.
At this moment, it is important to take care of yourself, your interests, deferred hobbies and interests. Don’t get stuck within four walls and don’t close yourself off from people.
Go on a trip, as soon as the “pain of loss” subsides a little, new experiences will quickly return you to the “track of a happy” life.

You need to prepare yourself for changes and give yourself time to renew yourself in all areas of your life. These changes will come gradually and faster if you approach this consciously and with a good mentor-psychologist.

Why are some women afraid to divorce their husbands?

Divorce is stressful and saying goodbye to your usual way of life. This scares many women. As a rule, they are afraid of the following:

Many mothers do not want to feel guilty for depriving their children of their father, and are ready to tolerate an unloved husband for the sake of the children’s happiness.
Relatives and friends, not knowing all the circumstances, may take the husband’s side. A woman is afraid to be left isolated, without the support of loved ones, alone with her misfortune.
Even if there are plenty of reasons to divorce her husband, the fear of being left without money will stop the woman. Material wealth is one of the main obstacles to separation, especially if the husband fully provides for the family. With the help of this tool, a man often manipulates his wife and puts pressure on her. However, there are women for whom the situation of lack of money is not a reason for fear, but for looking for work and professional self-realization.
Fear of loneliness can also prevent a woman from putting an end to her relationship with her unloved husband. But we must remember that divorce does not mean loneliness. On the contrary, it gives freedom in the search for true intimacy and love.

The reasons for divorce can be subjective or objective, but in any case it is a test for the whole family. When a marriage breaks up, both parents and children have to say goodbye to their usual way of life and look for new support for building a happy future. It’s good if the spouses find the strength to remain friends after separation and not remember bad things, so that past grievances and feelings of guilt do not affect their new life.

Thank you for reading this article to the end.

Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy soul mates, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.
More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.
My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!

Psychologist's advice

The most important thing that psychologists advise is to try to maintain a positive attitude in any situation. There are no mistakes, only experience. Everything that happened has made you stronger and wiser, taught you to understand yourself and people, make decisions and take responsibility.

The unknown is always scary, so women who are thinking about divorce often feel frightened, afraid and even despair.

Talk to your loved ones, understand that you will not be left alone with your problems. Support can come at the most unexpected moment. You shouldn’t rely too much on others, remember that it’s up to you to decide how to live further.

If possible, then try to part with your spouse on good terms, thank him for the pleasant moments and remember those moments that gave you both joy. Let each other go and wish each other luck.