How to cope with excessive irritability - let's figure it out

Types of pathology

In total, there are four types of irritability, and each of them has been continuously studied for several centuries:

• depressive - characterized by constant bad mood, loss of strength and mental retardation;
• asthenic - the patient feels fatigue, depression;
• anxious irritability - based on the emergence of fear, especially in cases where a person has experienced certain situations;
• bulemic - based on the principles of nutrition. The patient cannot restrain himself from eating high-calorie foods, and therefore becomes irritated by his own weakness;
• hysterical irritability - originates from childhood. A person feels his own uselessness, he has low self-esteem, so he tries to attract attention to himself with hysterics and whims.

Why do people get irritated most often?

Reaction to failure. You and your friends have agreed to go for a walk in the park with the children. You had just met when your child began to be very capricious and did not want to calm down. After 20 minutes of screaming, you had to break all your plans and go home. At this moment, you felt irritated that you could not spend time as you had planned.

Violation of personal boundaries. A colleague demands that you complete a task faster. He regularly tugs and presses on you. You get very annoyed because your personal boundaries are being violated. Anger in this case will be a defensive reaction from external influence.

Chronic fatigue. You multitask and work at a fast pace, you're constantly being pushed, you don't have enough time to rest, you can't even get out and get some fresh air during your lunch break. Along with fatigue comes irritability from the fact that you are working like a squirrel in a wheel.

Displaced anger. You are very stressed at work, but you cannot express your emotions and constantly restrain yourself. And when you get home, you start to lash out at your loved ones. When there are problems in one area of ​​life, they smoothly flow into another area.

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Causes of irritability

Nervousness and irritability are often based on emotional disorders, but external physical and mental influences are also identified among the factors. The most common causes of irritability are:

• serious and prolonged stress on the brain, mental overstrain, dissatisfaction with life and stress experienced as a result of divorce, illness, etc.;
• impossibility of solving problems - debts, obligations to the employer, etc.;
• oversights that resulted in human casualties and destruction of property. After such a mistake, a person cannot live with the knowledge that people suffered because of him;
• deviations in the development of the nervous system;
• pathologies that cause depletion of the nervous system - HIV, tuberculosis, oncology;
• drug and alcohol addiction, as well as gaming addiction.

How to get rid of irritability - this question worries many people today, since in most cases people from childhood are accustomed to selfishness or, on the contrary, to a lack of attention and love. These factors have a huge impact on the development of this pathology and stress resistance in general.

I'M RAGE. How to stop getting angry about anything? Instructions

This message (material) was created and (or) distributed by a foreign media outlet performing the functions of a foreign agent, and (or) a Russian legal entity performing the functions of a foreign agent.

What is this message and why is it everywhere on Meduza?

Anything can cause anger, irritation and outbursts of anger - including keys that cannot be found at the bottom of a bag, or stupid comments on social networks. Or you are denied a well-deserved (in your opinion) promotion. Or, for example, you are late for work - and suddenly a child spills freshly squeezed orange juice on a white and ironed shirt. ALL OF THIS IS VERY INfuriating. On the one hand, feeling angry is quite natural; it is a basic emotion. On the other hand, your loved ones suffer from your incontinence, and in general it’s hard to be angry all the time. At Meduza’s request, Alena Prikhidko, a candidate of psychological sciences and a specialist in the field of emotional regulation, explained what to do if you are often overwhelmed by anger, you are unable to control yourself and take it out on others (and you want to deal with it).

If you like to rage , put aside this instruction and better read about censorship on Facebook or an investigation into how Igor Chaika’s business partners receive government money because Muscovites go to paid toilets.

So, everything annoys you - and above all, this is what annoys you

Hot temper can depend on both congenital characteristics and acquired ones. In any family there are so-called patterns of emotional response: even in childhood, we learn to control ourselves by observing adults - through imitation and identification with parents or loved ones. If the elders allowed themselves aggression, then the child can learn to express his feelings by shouting and fists. Restraint is, in principle, a social skill: some people learn to manage their emotions (for example, by assessing the consequences in advance), while others are unable to cope with them. Or he doesn't want to. In addition, anger is a socially privileged emotion: a boss can express anger towards a subordinate, but not vice versa. It's the same with parents and children. If you feel that you have problems with anger management and want to fix it, consider the first step already taken.

Analyze your triggers

Triggers are situations, people, thoughts that cause acute emotions in you. For example, for parents, the most common trigger is the child’s disobedience. The traditional model of family and child rearing implies that the child must obey the parent in everything. If this does not happen, parents feel that their authority has been undermined - and this ultimately causes anger and aggression. Especially if you had before your eyes the experience of your own mothers and fathers, who resolved controversial issues by shouting or even physical punishment. Or someone may absolutely hate being late: if someone you know is late (this has never happened, and here it is again!), you literally start to shake. Anger arises where we care - and where we are especially sensitive.

Therefore, you need to study your triggers in order to prepare for the situation in advance. For example, if you know that your friend is always late, you can take a coloring book with you if it calms you down. Or turn on music that lifts your spirits while you wait. In addition, remember that any action has its own reason - even chronic tardiness or reluctance to do homework.

Be prepared for a temper tantrum

A well-known saying goes: if I had known where I fell, I would have laid some straw. If you get angry, you need to prepare in advance: think about how to remind yourself that you need to stop and not plunge into an emotional funnel. Imagine pouring hot coffee into a large cup: you pour, pour, pour - and in the end it overflows right onto your bare foot. It hurts, it’s offensive, and the consequences need to be eliminated. This would not have happened if you had watched your actions and stopped in time. But for this you need to be attentive to your feelings, know the size of the cup and the temperature of the drink. Same with anger.

If you know in advance in what situations you can experience it and in what situations it is especially difficult for you to cope with yourself, then it will be much easier for you to stop it at the very beginning and exhale. And then a breakdown will not happen. Signs of an approaching outbreak of rage can be different: someone’s fists begin to clench or their neck gets warm, someone feels like they are losing their breath. Observe yourself, remember what is happening to you, and then it will be easier to cope with the impulse.

Change your way of thinking

Emotions, including anger, are directly related to thoughts. These may be thoughts about how you have been terribly wronged, or that life is fundamentally unfair. The creator of dialectical behavioral therapy, Marsha Linehan, offers the metaphor of “Teflon consciousness.” Imagine that your consciousness is like a Teflon frying pan, from which even the remains of a burnt scrambled egg easily slide off - straight into the trash. And now the bad thoughts are slipping away, and you are peacefully sipping coffee that has not overflowed from the cup. No matter how tired the word “awareness” (or mindfulness) has become lately, that’s exactly what it is.

It is interesting and useful to look even deeper and understand what your values ​​basically influence your anger - what role it plays in your relationships with other people. Our emotions are functional: when we are angry with a person, we are trying to convey to him that his behavior is unacceptable to us. Think about how exactly you can explain this without anger? Most likely, it will turn out that the same goals can be achieved in a much less aggressive way.

Use surrounding objects for peaceful purposes

In a fit of anger, we often want to throw something at a wall or even at someone with whom we are angry. Throwing plates, throwing things, or hitting a pillow are classic expressions of uncontrolled anger. In fact, these are aggressive actions that can only fuel your anger.

You can use surrounding objects or safe words to calm yourself down. Emotional regulation specialist and Stanford University professor James Gross calls them “helping elements.” For example, in the movie “Anger Management,” Jack Nicholson’s character, a psychotherapist, taught his clients to chant the strange word “gu-usfraba” in moments of acute anger. “Gu-usfra-a-a-aba,” the clients sang and gradually calmed down: they associated this nonsense with a psychotherapeutic group, gave a pause and built a bridge between anger and the opportunity to pull themselves together.

Let's say you know how difficult it is to put children to bed, but you don't want to raise your voice or punish them. Not only the rules in relationships with children will help, but also working on yourself. For example, you can hang a print on the wall in the form of the frontal lobes of the brain (which are responsible for managing emotions) and write on it: “Calm down! Take care of your neurons! Or, for example, a colleague is annoying you for some reason. Place a postcard to yourself next to your computer with the inscription “Breathe” - and every time you feel angry, you will remember that you need to breathe - for example, on the count of ten. Finally, it is important to remember that anger is an emotion necessary for attack, so physical activity can also help deal with it.

Don’t try to “sort things out” during a quarrel

If you want to talk to a loved one about anger, it is better to do it before you get angry. You can share what upsets or annoys you and what you would like to change. Maybe you have ideas how - or want to find a way together. Try not to blame or “make claims”: this is also a kind of aggression, which again can result in a quarrel or a serious conflict. During a quarrel, in principle, you should not try to solve the problem. For most other emotions, talking about how you feel helps you cope. But with anger and anger everything is more complicated. If you're already in the heat of an argument and start talking aggressively about your problems and emotions, your anger may only intensify.

Remember that emotions can be “contaminated”

There is a relatively researched phenomenon called emotional contagion. This is an unconscious process associated with empathy: we “intercept” someone else’s emotion non-verbally, through facial expressions, gestures, and direction of gaze. Scientists say that this can even happen remotely (for example, if you watch a video), and sadness is more “contagious” than joy.

Of course, this doesn't always happen. For this to happen, the person “transmitting” the emotion to you must express emotions more vividly than you, but at the same time not worry about your feelings. Like, for example, a small and desperately sobbing child. It is important to notice such moments, protect your boundaries, not give in to other people’s anger and, again, try to remain calm.

Don't be afraid to explore yourself

Be sure to analyze yourself - after all, it won’t be worse than it is. Observe how your reactions arise: from a situation to an emotion, then to a clear thought, a desire to do something and, in the end, real action.

Let's say you're stuck in a traffic jam on the way to an important meeting. First you feel angry, then you curse to yourself, then you start to panic (“horror, I’m late, what will happen now, everything is gone”), then you feel the desire to ram the cars in front, like in GTA, and in the end you press the button with all your might beep.

If you carefully observe your anger for several days, you will begin to notice patterns in reactions and their ins and outs. For example, Emotionally Focused Therapy practitioners note that anger is often a secondary emotion that masks fear, anxiety, shame, or guilt. And anger is something of a disguise, like the lid of a saucepan, under which completely different feelings are bubbling.

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Symptoms

Irritability and aggression manifest themselves in the form of somatic and mental symptoms.
The first consists of pain, dizziness, disorders of the digestive system, disorders of sexual desire and other physical abnormalities. Mental symptoms manifest themselves in emotional stress - anxiety and irritability for no reason, isolation, fixation on problems, phobias, photophobia, increased sensitivity to temperature changes, inferiority complex and others.

Nootropics and neurometabolic agents

This is a wide group of drugs that have a “general strengthening” effect, improve the metabolism of nerve cells, and have a positive effect on cognitive functions (memory, attention, learning).

Used in courses, has fewer contraindications (compared to previous groups of funds). Effective for aggressiveness caused by overwork, the consequences of organic damage to the central nervous system, neuroses and personality disorders.

The main representatives of this group:

• glycine;
• nootropil;
• aminophenylbutyric acid;
• Vinpocetine.

All medications have indications and contraindications. Be sure to consult your doctor. Remember, medications must be prescribed by a doctor!

Treatment and prevention of irritability

Treatment of irritability involves an integrated approach - the work of a psychologist, taking medications that eliminate pain symptoms and excitability, for example, SilvaDeprex. The recovery process can take several months or a longer period. A significant role in the treatment and prevention of irritability is played by taking herbal remedies that help cope with nervous and emotional tension and anxiety.

What does the doctor think?

“First of all, you need to develop the property of peacefulness. A person must understand that things don’t always work out the way he wants, and he needs to be prepared for this.”

Recommendations from a psychologist

There are enough ways to help you overcome increased irritability, calm down and return life to normal.

What you can do yourself

• Take time for yourself. At least half an hour a day, even if you have a lot of things to do and troubles. Allow yourself to be alone with yourself and relax. Many psychologists recommend meditation: there is a lot of information and video tutorials on the Internet that will help you figure it out.
• Keep a diary. Write down everything that doesn't suit you and causes negative emotions. Analyze which situations most often provoke your irritation and try to avoid them.
• New hobby. Find a source where you can throw out the accumulated negativity. It could be anything: dancing, boxing, drawing. The main thing is that it brings joy and relief.
• Daily regime. Establish your routine, get at least eight hours of sleep, and eat healthy. Believe me, your body will be grateful for the care shown!
• Communication. Talk to someone you trust. Tell us about your problems and experiences. After all, the support of a loved one is exactly what we sometimes lack.
• Breathing exercises. If you feel irritated and angry, try to inhale and exhale deeply and slowly. This will help stop the oncoming outbreak of uncontrollable feelings.
• Going to the doctor. Not all problems can be resolved on your own. If you have a broken leg, you will not treat it at home, but will go to a specialist. In some cases, it is worth resorting to the services of a psychologist or psychotherapist if your health does not improve.

Fight with yourself

What happens in the body when we experience anger? The pattern of feelings of guilt and anger at the physiological level completely coincides with the pattern of fear.

When a person experiences fear, the sympathetic part of the autonomic nervous system is activated. That is, as a result of a reaction to a negative event, the body prepares to do something: run, fight, defend itself. This is an instinct that we inherited from our wild ancestors: danger - we must defend ourselves.

The body begins to produce adrenaline, it is injected into the blood and activates all combat-ready parts of the body. Blood flow to the muscles that are responsible for active physical actions increases, heart rate increases, and the pupil dilates. By concentrating forces in the muscles, blood flows away from the skin and away from the internal organs of the abdominal cavity.

If we took active physical action, the adrenaline would be broken down, used up, and the nervous system would come into balance. But after all this heroic preparation, we, unlike our wild ancestors, do not rush to tear the enemy with our teeth, but politely ask the tipsy subject to get off his feet and breathe in the other direction. Therefore, the nervous system is forced to stabilize in a different way.

After the sympathetic part of the nervous system has been activated and energy has not been used up, the seesaw swings towards the parasympathetic autonomic part of the nervous system. All those bodies that are responsible for “peace support” are being activated. First of all, this is the skin and internal organs located in the abdominal cavity.

Due to the fact that a large amount of energy was released, it hits our internal organs with force. This most negatively affects the organs of the cardiovascular system and digestion. An active rush of blood to these organs causes the endocrine glands to work harder, the secretion of gastric juice accelerates, and pressure surges become more frequent.