Self-sacrifice. Why do we sacrifice ourselves for others?

Adviсe

• What is self-sacrifice
• The desire for self-sacrifice
• The problem of self-sacrifice
• Why self-sacrifice is dangerous
• What explains self-sacrifice

The personal quality of self-sacrifice is the ability to devote one’s life to higher goals, to give oneself to a person or something sublime.

Why does a person strive for self-sacrifice?

There are many answers to the question of why a person engages in self-sacrifice. Each individual has his own reasons for this. Some people do this absolutely disinterestedly, showing generosity, others - for the sake of receiving certain regalia, others - because their upbringing does not allow them to do otherwise.

Individual religions and traditions view the issue of sacrifice differently. For example, in the Christian religion, self-sacrifice is the desire to devote oneself to the faith, the people, to change one’s own principles, life principles, etc.

From the point of view of human nature, the best example of self-sacrifice is maternal love, when for a woman the health, life, and happiness of her own child become above all else. This is also called absolute love.

A mother's absolute love

Note! Love for the opposite sex or a friend also involves some kind of sacrifice, but it can hardly be called self-sacrifice; rather, it is a sacrifice of one’s interests for the sake of feelings

What explains self-sacrifice

Psychology experts note that not every person is capable of self-sacrifice. What explains the phenomenon of self-sacrifice? Researchers are confident that this quality is transmitted at the genetic level. In other words, such a desire to devote oneself to others is laid down by genetics.

In addition, education contributes to the development of this personal quality. The child, seeing the actions of the parents, considers them correct.

But often a lack of love at an early age becomes the reason that pushes one to sacrifice oneself in adulthood. People who were “disliked” in childhood are able to sacrifice their interests for the sake of recognition and the pride of their parents.

So self-sacrifice is explained by the desire to receive praise, to prove something to society, to gain recognition, celebrity. In addition, spiritual impulses to save another person, a natural desire to protect the weak, selfless impulses to help others also cause the desire to sacrifice oneself.

Self-sacrifice associated with the profession

1. M.A. Bulgakov “Notes of a Young Doctor.” In the work of M.Yu. Bulgakov’s “Notes of a Young Doctor” reveals before us the image of a young doctor who has just completed his studies and is going to practice in some God-forsaken village. He finds himself in conditions that do not particularly correspond to those to which he had become accustomed while in the city, in a civilized hospital. But, despite the surrounding poverty, the young man involuntarily warms up to each of his patients and puts all his knowledge and professionalism into the treatment process. Finding himself in difficult situations, he miraculously finds answers, delighting everyone else with his abilities. This is precisely where his sacrifice lies; the young doctor tried at any cost to save every patient who came to him for help.
2. I.S. Turgenev "Fathers and Sons". The image of Evgeny Bazarov in the novel by I.S. Turgenev's "Fathers and Sons" has always delighted readers. But there was a feature in this young hero that stood out more than anyone else. He was extremely inquisitive and hardworking. Bazarov tried to devote time every day to learning something new and improving already acquired skills. He saw his life in constant development and enlightenment. His confidence that only hard and persistent work could save a society mired in sins was not in vain. And the moment when Evgeniy accidentally injures himself while working is also significant. In fact, he is dying of the desire to become a good doctor and help people, that is, he sacrifices himself for the sake of his favorite work of his whole life.

Just kindness or...

If you and those around you think that the desire to give everything to people without taking care of personal needs is simply natural kindness, you are wrong. This is a form of neurosis.

It is impossible to cure neurosis on your own in the same way as filling your own tooth or cutting out your appendix.

As I already mentioned, the price for self-denial can be deterioration in health: after all, externals also do not think about their own body, and the dominant “I live for others” often provokes the thoughts “I am taking someone else’s place.” One of the most common diagnoses for external patients is cancer. They very rarely ask for help (after all, they don’t need anything for themselves. Not even treatment. Even peace and happiness), so the question of diagnosis and treatment should be faced by relatives close to the external person. They can look at a person's behavior from the outside and think about its consequences.

The path of development of emotions

A person, like an animal, has four basic desires - to eat, drink, breathe, sleep. But unlike an animal, he has additional desires, which make him human. The desire to create emotional connections, which made it possible to limit hostility between people, appeared in the visual vector. And the reason for his appearance is fear for his own life.

The skin-visual woman, experiencing horror and fearing for herself, stood up for the skin-visual boy in front of the leader, achieving a ban on ritual cannibalism. This limitation of hostility between people became the beginning of culture - a new condition for human coexistence, which made it possible for humanity to develop further.

Culture became more complex and grew along with humanity, passing through four levels of its development - inanimate, plant, animal and human. At the inanimate level - appreciating the beauty of forms, at the plant and animal levels - complicating the emotional connection with the entire living world, at the human level - putting forward humanistic ideas of the highest value of human life.

This happened gradually: from the first rock inscriptions to worldwide manifestos for the protection of the life of laboratory mice. Art, architecture, creativity - these are all the achievements of visual people for all humanity, as well as the development of the emotional sphere. Now representatives of all vectors are able to experience emotions, and even a muscleman can confess his love to his chosen one. The only difference is that the strength of emotions in the visual vector is orders of magnitude greater than in others. After all, it is through emotions that viewers comprehend life.

Self-sacrifice for love

A person can do crazy and inexplicable things for the sake of love. Sacrifice of one's feelings for the sake of an ideal is a complex and controversial topic. Sometimes love can lead not only to despair, but even to death. There are many examples that can be given on this topic.

Actions for love:

1. A. N. Ostrovsky, “Thunderstorm”. Before marriage, Katerina is happy; respect and love reign in her family. She believes that this should be the case in every family. But after getting married, she does not find those relationships. On the contrary, lies and cruelty are the motto in the new family. A woman's dreams are shattered. Not finding understanding and love from her husband, Katerina cheats on him. Thus, she sacrifices family ties for love relationships. But deception also haunts her. Conscience torments a woman. Another final act of self-sacrifice by Katerina is suicide.
2. A. N. Ostrovsky, “Dowry”. Young beautiful Larisa is homeless. Her mother gives her last savings for her maintenance in the hope of finding her a worthy rich groom. Larisa herself loves the landowner Paratov, but she doesn’t even have one chance to walk down the aisle with him. The vain and poor Karandyshev proposes to her. After the end of the evening at Larisa’s house, Paratov invites the woman to escape with him on a boat. She agrees, although she knows that this act will be regarded as frivolity. On the ship she learns that Paratov is engaged and is marrying for money. An enraged Karandyshev kills Larisa after spending the night with Paratov.
3. I. A. Goncharov, “Oblomov”. Over the course of many years, the main character has been building his personal life ideology. But, falling in love, he is forced to sacrifice her. Before the appearance of bright feelings, his usual daily lifestyle was no different. Day after day he lies on the couch and does nothing. His usual clothing is a robe, his favorite pastime is spending time in bed. But with the arrival of love, he changes into a suit and begins to go out into the world. And he likes it. Over time, his chosen one Olga realizes that she is unable to change Oblomov and leaves him. He, in turn, returns to his previous way of life. Oblomov’s argument is useful for writing: even such a person is capable of self-sacrifice, albeit for a short time.

In foreign literary art there are also excellent examples of sacrifice in the name of love. For example, Charlotte Bronte's novel Jane Eyre. The girl sacrificed herself when she became the hands and eyes of her lover after he went blind.

Reasons for self-sacrifice

• Subconscious fears. People on a subconscious level are afraid of something ephemeral or real and are ready to hold on to their loved one day and night, to sacrifice all their time, strength and energy for the sake of a sense of peace.
• Selfishness. People on a subconscious level are ready to sacrifice themselves in order to feel love and warm themselves with deceptive feelings. They sacrifice everything intimate and hold on to their loved one, “taming” him, living in a narrow, selfish world of calm and tranquility.
• Lack of self-confidence (low self-esteem). People often sacrifice themselves because of a strong feeling of insecurity and complexes, which psychologically puts pressure on the mind and forces them to grab onto any relationship. Even when the relationship is absurd and depressing, sacrifice still remains.
• Fear of loneliness. Singles sacrifice themselves, spend all their free time and energy just to hold on to their loved one with a “dead” grip and stay with him. The subconscious feeling of calm takes precedence over the rational.
• Feeling needed, valued and powerful. People want to feel their inner strength. From a psychological point of view, they feel their relevance, power and value over those they help, care for, and educate.
• Feeling of pity. They sacrifice for others out of pity, compassion and mercy.

Self-sacrifice from psychological beliefs is closely intertwined with the subconscious and cannot be compared with pure spiritual thoughts and feelings. In purely philosophical terms, the selfishness of the altar, which gives all its strength, time and complete dedication to the adored person, poisons love and deceives lovers, feeding them with deceptive feelings and doubts.

Regardless of the reasons, self-sacrifice must be reasonable and have a noble goal: to help lovers expand the boundaries of the spiritual and physical world, bring help, faith, hope and transform love into the brightest feeling. Nowadays, self-sacrifice is far from everything spiritual and to a greater extent shows the selfishness or strong energy of one of the partners, who takes advantage of the kindness, tenderness, complacency, responsiveness and good intentions of the person in love with him. In the realities of today's society, the multifaceted love that inveterate romantics dream of cannot be found. Egoists erase it to smithereens using the lover for selfish purposes. And often behind a beautiful picture and false feelings there is a human life that collapses behind sacrificial love.

Sacrifice does not bring real happiness and spiritual consonance, does not give hope and poisons life. On the contrary, some have to sacrifice themselves and try to maintain a subtle spiritual and physical connection, for the sake of their sincere love and sincere relationships. Others endure humiliation because subconscious fears, uncertainty, fear of loneliness, not being in demand, and complexes are stronger than consciousness. Very often, such people (sacrifices) have high life potential that fades away under the yoke of all of the above, and it can only be returned by undergoing psychological sessions. If at least one of the reasons described is close or familiar in the relationship, you need to contact a family psychologist and change for the better.

Don’t miss your chance to be healthy, strong and beautiful, contact us for help and your difficult relationships will truly transform, warm your soul, expand the boundaries of the spiritual, emotional and physical world, strengthen relationships and reveal a sublime feeling of love to the very heavens.

Tags: love and relationships, love and self-sacrifice, self-sacrifice, self-sacrifice in the name of love

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The problem of self-sacrifice

It is believed that the willingness to sacrifice oneself uses love as a basis. Powerful feelings force people to perform feats: some devote themselves unselfishly to their significant other, others devote themselves to their favorite work. But experts are confident that such a theory is wrong.

The problem of self-sacrifice is the unattractiveness of the reasons that give rise to this desire. In life, the desire to sacrifice oneself gives rise to other feelings: fear and doubt. The latter cause a loss of feeling of strength and confidence. Such people are sure that their personality means nothing, they are not ready to commit actions, and therefore live with the problems and achievements of another person. In addition, they are confident in personal failures, therefore they believe that leniency is not available to them. The result of such an opinion is self-sacrifice. In this way people try to gain favor and recognition.

For this reason, often the meaning of self-sacrifice is not a sincere desire to neglect one’s interests, but simple manipulation of people to achieve an internal goal. Fear, in the form of the main motive for sacrifice, appears due to the fear of loneliness.

There are many examples from life: children who escaped from the stifling care of their mother forget about her; wives who have refused to realize themselves for the sake of their family find themselves lonely or suffer disrespect from their husbands. You can often hear complaints from such individuals that they did everything for the sake of others, but in the end they got nothing. But they were not asked to make such sacrifices; their actions were their own choice.

Conscious self-sacrifice is a person’s understanding of the sacrifice, its essence, purpose and value. A soldier, when he protects others or goes against the enemy, realizes that this will cause his death, but his actions will save others. It is this self-sacrifice that is called heroism.

The sacrifice is not too dangerous if it relates to one family or group, because... its harmful influence is not very global. But if it concerns the interests of an entire country or society, then the result will be disastrous. Often the basis for the actions of suicidal terrorists is the problem of self-sacrifice. Their arguments are based on love for the Motherland and religion.

Negative interpretation of the concept

Selflessness can be a bad quality when it is excessive or when it is a manifestation of infantilism. This destructive form first appears in adolescence and can remain habitual until the end of life. A person is not ready to take responsibility and can endure any hardship just to avoid what he is afraid of.

Animals Can Show Selflessness

For example, when a woman is regularly beaten by her husband, and she does not want to get a divorce, this does not indicate her great love for him. She is simply afraid of being left alone or of depriving herself of the resources that the rapist provides her with. He considers himself right in any situation only on the basis that he feeds his family. There is no selflessness here, this is a manifestation of selfishness, albeit such a perverted one.

Also, selflessness can be imaginary, when a person thinks in this way: “today I will do this for you, and tomorrow you will do that for me.” Often this logic is not realized. If the other party refuses to help, the person becomes offended.

Overprotection of mothers is often considered selflessness. A woman sacrifices her health, youth, dreams and desires for the sake of children, who often do not even respond with gratitude. She can give them money, pull them out of life’s difficulties, constantly cover them in difficult situations, considering this her responsibility. In extreme cases, mothers help their children get drugs, causing harm to both themselves and them.

Women are very often selfless

The motives of such women may differ. This is the famous “glass of water” that a woman dreams of receiving in her old age as gratitude, and the desire to feel needed by someone, and the fear of losing children, and the fear of meeting herself. There is little real dedication here. If it is true, a person sacrifices himself simply because it pleases him to do good to someone.

The selflessness of radicals has a negative connotation. A typical example is suicide bombers. They believe that their death is necessary to achieve goals that they consider good. The same goes for nationalists.

Important! The main reason for infantile selflessness is codependency. This is a negative state in which one personality is completely absorbed by another

Most often this term is used when talking about relatives of alcoholics and drug addicts. But there are much more codependent people.

The emotions of such a person are completely dependent on the actions of the object of addiction. Therefore, for the well-being of others, the codependent is ready to sacrifice his own. In addition to dedication, this phenomenon is characterized by the following signs:

1. Low self-esteem.
2. Guilt. Even normally, if a person feels guilty, he tries to smooth out the experience by sacrificing himself. But when this state constantly accompanies a codependent person, she will show amazing selflessness, the root of which is neurotic.
3. Anger that is not realized by the person himself. Internally, such a selfless person is angry that he has to sacrifice himself. Therefore, such self-sacrifice cannot be considered true. This is not an act of good will; a person feels obligated to do so. He doesn't feel joy in helping someone.
4. Depressive moods.
5. The predictor effect. Codependent people believe that they know what they need better than others. As a result, they do what others do not want, sacrificing themselves in the process.

Selflessness is cultivated gradually

Important! Codependency does not represent true selflessness. An example from life that confirms this thesis is a mother who deprives herself of something good so that her child can party all night long.

Such actions will only be harmful. A reasonable parent would sacrifice their money for the sake of their child’s education at a foreign university.

In general, true selflessness does not exist at all. All people pursue their own interests, even unconscious ones.

Who are externalities or repressed life syndrome?

Externals are experts in other people's lives. They always help someone, take care of someone, and give advice. But in their destiny they rely on others, on chance, on luck. “If only he would change, do this and stop doing that, then everything would be fine with me” - in the life of externals there is always someone who makes them unhappy or does not make them happy.

It’s normal to want and expect something from others if you express your desire, ask, negotiate, in a word, try to do something on your own. Externals silently wait, hope, and tragically roll their eyes when someone again does not live up to expectations.

Zhanna complains to her friends: “I want my salary to be raised, because I work so hard! And after the divorce, I take care of the children alone and rent an apartment.” “Go to your boss, talk to him, write a statement, ask for financial assistance,” Zhanna hears advice. “He himself should guess!” - she exclaims.

The external considers altruism and increased protectiveness to be its best manifestation. At best, others gratefully accept help, but more often they experience tension and irritation due to the presence of another person in their affairs. The worst, but not the rarest, case is that the external is “robbed”, demanded and blamed.

Externals do not distinguish their thoughts from those of others. It seems to them that they are always in solidarity, agree and support, rarely understanding when they are openly being used. They are completely included in other people's lives (neighbors, colleagues, children, spouse) and do not focus on their needs and desires.

“People need to be trusted and helped” is one of the external’s favorite phrases. Often these are very pious people who remember the “other cheek” and self-sacrifice in appropriate and inappropriate ways. A white lie is considered justified (the externality protects its protégé by hook or by crook).

They often idealize their new “wards” and are severely disappointed when they are not appreciated, not noticed, or understood. Usually, for such a “failure,” the external blames himself and says, “I’m not good enough.” He makes no demands on others and suppresses anger and resentment because he is afraid of being pushed away. Repressing one’s own emotions is another sign of externality. “It’s better to pretend that you like everything. Otherwise it will be worse."

Externals are unsure of themselves, are afraid of making mistakes, and often return in their thoughts to the decisions made, finding them wrong. A classic case is remembering an important conversation, reproaching yourself for the wrong tone, words, reactions, emotions. One of the eternal companions of the externality is anxiety, anxiety even when everything is fine.

How not to be a victim

Learn to take responsibility and solve problems on your own. You need to become the master of your own life, learn to deal adequately with difficulties, and understand that all failures can be solved.

Forget about grievances and complaints. Every incident in our life is an experience. Stop asking “Why me? Why do I need this? and learn to ask “Why do I need this? What lesson does life want to teach me?

The owner of life is a self-sufficient and self-confident person:

• He himself creates events in his life and controls circumstances.
• He does not take on someone else's responsibility and does not shift his own onto anyone.
• He is independent of other people and life circumstances.
• He respects himself and other people.
• He takes good care of his health and life.
• He knows how to resist manipulation.
• He has a positive outlook on the world.

It is almost impossible to get rid of the victim role on your own. Individual counseling and psychotherapy from a specialist is necessary, since the process of rebuilding life involves resolving all conflicts with relatives and friends, identifying and working through childhood psychotraumas (the victim always has them), forgiving all grievances and resolving all omissions. You need to remove all the reasons for the victim's psychology and literally be reborn. The problem is that the reasons are individual and personal in nature, which requires a private approach.

But some general recommendations on how to get out of the victim role can be given:

• Learn to make your own decisions. Start small: what to order in a cafe, what book to read. As a rule, the victims are constantly controlled by someone. Learn self-management.
• Find a passion you enjoy and allow yourself to enjoy something other than failure.
• Stop doing anything out of a sense of duty. You owe nothing to anyone but yourself.
• Study, get a job, move up the career ladder (depending on the specific case). Be financially independent.
• Learn to value yourself. Get rid of anxiety and self-flagellation, forget about self-humiliation. Sometimes victims get so into the role that even in small things they cannot behave differently: they do not accept compliments, eat leftover food for family members, do not eat at all, give up their hobbies. You have a responsibility to meet your basic needs and have every right to small everyday joys. Especially if you decide to stop being a victim.
• Accept and love yourself. Realize your own freedom and value it. Also start with the little things: take a full bath, read the desired book. Every time you plan to do something that you like, say: “I love myself. I am a strong and free person. I have the right to..."
• Form the habits of successful people. Learn to respect and value yourself. Never compare yourself to anyone or put yourself lower than others.
• Stop asking for advice and permission. Do as you see fit. Of course, we are talking about something that concerns only you. For example, you want to skydive. It’s worth talking to loved ones, but in the context of “how do you feel about this.” Leave the final decision to yourself. And if we are talking, for example, about the exchange of goods (where this is permissible), then forget about the questions “Can the goods be exchanged?” This is your right, so you can safely say “Hello. I would like to exchange the goods."
• Instill confidence in yourself: walk with a straight back, speak in a clear, clear voice, look into the eyes of the interlocutor. The role of the victim is visible a mile away through gait, posture, facial expressions, and gestures. The victim always looks like an offended, dejected person, “driven into a corner” and asking forgiveness from the whole world for the mere fact of his existence.
• Stop just complaining and start taking action, solving problems, changing yourself and circumstances.
• Be prepared to part with your current life, people, work. After all, you are probably surrounded by tyrants and saviors, but it is not a fact that they will also change. In this case, your paths will diverge.

The victim is characterized by emotional and personal immaturity, infantilism, poorly developed self-awareness and consciousness. The child inside you is responsible for everything that happens in your life now. To stop being a victim, you need to meet yourself as a child and solve old problems.

Self-Sacrifice: Glorious Heroism or Absurd Altruism

Nowadays, there is no clear definition of important concepts related to morality and ethics. The vagueness of terminology, the shift in the vision of the world among many people towards evil materialism has led to the fact that various definitions have merged together. Confusion reigns in the minds of the average person, which makes him defenseless against two opposite extremes - egocentrism and self-sacrifice. Most are accustomed to believing that selfishness is not at all a quality that allows one to look after one’s interests, but a trait inherent in selfish and selfish persons. Altruism does not mean selfless concern for other people, but a property characteristic of weak-willed people. But society generally does not have a consensus on such a personality quality as self-sacrifice. For some people, the ability to self-sacrifice is akin to highly moral heroism. In the understanding of other people, self-sacrifice is a stupid and meaningless lifestyle. However, for most contemporaries, true egoism is an evil that requires censure and punishment. While the ability to self-sacrifice is the highest degree of virtue. In a word: selfishness is always terrible, but self-sacrifice is wonderful. Is it possible to unambiguously judge the personality trait - readiness for self-sacrifice? Is it immoral to care about one's own life while it is normal to worry about the existence of others? This publication will try to answer these questions. From the point of view of an intelligent, independent, free, creative and self-respecting person, which your author considers himself to be. What is self-sacrifice: the essence of the phenomenon

What is self-sacrifice?
According to explanatory dictionaries, self-sacrifice is a personality trait that manifests itself in a person’s willingness to give up his own interests, ignore personal needs, and brush aside life’s pleasures for the sake of the convenience and well-being of other people. Self-sacrifice is a person's determination to freely devote his energy, time, effort, knowledge and skills to some goal. In different religions, cultures, and philosophies, self-sacrifice is assessed differently. In Christianity, this personality trait is recognized as the highest virtue and goes on a par with self-denial for the sake of the Lord. Psychologists consider self-sacrifice to be the extreme manifestation of altruism and argue that this human quality is the cause of many mental phenomena, including pathological self-hatred, known as the phenomenon of self-hating Jew. Self-sacrifice often goes along with a bunch of other human virtues, including: heroism, kindness, conscientiousness, patriotism, selflessness, generosity. Self-sacrifice can be observed in different areas of life and manifest itself in various behaviors. For example: a soldier gives his life defending the Fatherland.
A parent loses one kidney while saving the life of his child. A woman who dedicated her life to the development of her offspring. A kid voluntarily giving his favorite toy to an unfortunate orphan. It can be argued that self-sacrifice involves bringing to the altar of a chosen goal a greater value than the amount of benefit we will receive from the act.
The voluntary distribution of unnecessary things to the suffering poor can hardly be called a donation. After all, in the end, a person receives great benefits - freeing up personal space and cleansing the soul. Likewise, the deal that a young girl makes when she marries a rich old man and loses the opportunity to be among her peers cannot be called self-sacrifice. In this situation, the contract works: she gives her time and body, receiving material benefits in return. Therefore, it is necessary to clearly distinguish between what is true self-sacrifice and what is an ordinary transaction. Altruists also include a variety of self-sacrifice as a person’s conscious refusal to receive pleasure in the present for the sake of receiving benefits in the future. However, such an interpretation is completely absurd. Can the exhausting cramming of a student who gave up today's entertainment in order to become a famous surgeon in the future be called self-sacrifice? Can the active work of an entrepreneur who deliberately lost his leisure time in order to get his business off the ground be considered self-sacrifice? It is unlikely that such actions can be classified as heroic virtues, since consciously sacrificing a rook in order to take possession of a queen is a competent and thoughtful move. Cases of heroism are not always self-sacrifice. For example: a soldier who bravely goes to meet the enemy who attacked his homeland is simply fulfilling his duty, defending his own freedom from the aggressor. However, if he goes to the ends of the earth as part of a “humanitarian mission,” his behavior can be called self-sacrifice, since inter-tribal massacres in some African states do not at all affect his personal interests. What causes the savior syndrome: reasons for sacrifice
Today, many people constantly sacrifice themselves for the convenience of other people.
Most often, female representatives act as Iphigenia’s savior: the need to look after someone is in their blood. However, among the voluntary saviors of the world, this need is off the charts. Iphigenias shoulder a heavy burden: they endlessly put themselves in someone else’s position, protect others from troubles, and solve other people’s problems. They advise and insist, guard and protect. They put up with any injustice and tolerate any shortcomings. Their act of self-sacrifice is aimed at their spouse, offspring, ancestors, friends, colleagues. They act contrary to their interests, hobbies, goals and cause considerable harm to mental health. Why do these “Mother Teresas” sacrifice their lives as a senseless sacrifice? Psychologists point out that the reason for senseless heroism takes root in early childhood, when a sense of self-worth and guilt is entrenched in the child’s subconscious. An incorrect parenting strategy, moral pressure, excessive demands, unhealthy criticism, and eternal reproaches form an unconscious feeling of guilt in a small person. And the psyche of the fragile creature suggests the only way out, how to smooth out these painful sensations - to sacrifice oneself, asserting one’s virtue. Another reason for the tendency to self-sacrifice is the indifference of parents to the needs of the child. If the father and mother behaved distantly, did not take into account the interests of the baby, were not interested in his achievements, and did not help solve the problem, then the child strives with all his might to attract the attention of loved ones and win their love. How to do it? Complete submission and self-sacrifice: study excellently, bear household chores, meekly carry out the commands of parents. Childhood flies by quickly, but the habit of sacrificing oneself in order to earn the recognition of people remains. The habit of self-sacrifice can develop against the background of a unique personal portrait. As a rule, the characteristic features of Mother Teresa are kindness, kindness, responsiveness, and compassion. They are able to identify themselves with another person, to feel what he feels. These are impressionable, suspicious, easily vulnerable people. The benefits and harms of self-sacrifice: the dangers of self-sacrifice
Many people mistakenly believe that sacrificing oneself is a virtue.
That being the savior Iphigenia is an honor. Indeed, to make self-sacrifice for the sake of high goals or, if absolutely necessary, in the name of saving the life of another is heroism. However, in real life, self-sacrifice is more like unhealthy recklessness. In reality, the great martyrs Iphigenia are rarely rewarded: self-sacrifice often comes to their detriment. As a rule, those around them manipulate such people, abusing their reliability and kindness. They are taken advantage of, humiliated and bullied. The habit of self-sacrifice leads to Teresa's mother forgetting about herself. They stop taking care of their appearance, do not take care of their health, and degrade as a person. As a result, close people begin to see in such ladies not a woman, not even a person, but a creature without rights. People accustomed to self-sacrifice have many problems in personal relationships. Their partners quickly lose interest in such persons, since communicating with a hunted victim is uninteresting, and you don’t want to make love to a runt. Very often, men run away from such companions, since their sacrifice is very similar to total control. But being under strict control, when everything is done and decided for you, not many people like. In other words, reckless self-sacrifice is fraught with complete destruction of a person’s life. He ceases to be an independent person, cannot lead a full life, loses his understanding of true values, and exists according to false priorities. The saviors of Iphigenia are frequent patients in psychiatric clinics who have lost their mental health as a result of unnecessary sacrifice. How to get rid of senseless sacrifice: steps to healthy selfishness
How to stop pointlessly sacrificing yourself and not being the savior of unworthy people?
We pay attention to studying the following recommendations from psychologists. Step 1 To stop being a reckless Iphigenia, you need to carefully examine your behavior in all aspects of life. Determine which of our actions are effective and necessary help to a person in need, and which actions are a disservice. We should establish which of the things we do bring us a sense of self-satisfaction and improve our mood, and which activities we perform with a creak in our souls. We must find out which of the duties we perform benefit us, contribute to our improvement and the unfolding of our potential, help brighten up reality, and which tasks throw us back to a lower stage of development of homo sapiens. It is advisable to conduct such an analysis of your own life in a calm environment, recording the established facts on a piece of paper. Step 2 After we have established which acts of our sacrifice benefit our own personality and are indispensable for loved ones, and which acts are a manifestation of reckless altruism, we should draw up a program for the gradual elimination of “attacks of heroism”. It should be remembered that it is unlikely that you will be able to get rid of the habit of sacrificing yourself and becoming an inveterate egoist in an instant. We stock up on patience, act consistently and gradually, but decisively. Step 3 How to put the program to eliminate self-sacrifice into practice? Let's start small. If our self-sacrifice consists of ignoring our interests for the benefit of our household, and our everyday life consists of satisfying the desires of loved ones, then we radically restructure our behavior. We allow family members to be free, independent, and independent. We stop controlling their every step. We delegate some of the household responsibilities to them. We don't try to satisfy their desires. We give them the opportunity to independently clear up the mess they have made. This does not mean that we should completely brush aside the problems of loved ones. But their difficulties must be filtered through the filter of “real problems” and “man-made difficulties.” For example, if our faithful spouse managed to drink away his entire salary in three days, let him now decide for himself where to get funds for food. If a negligent partner, without consulting anyone, got into a credit yoke, then let him look for funds to repay the debt himself. If a precious husband has invested all the family savings in a dubious scam, then let him spin like a squirrel in a wheel and work three jobs, and not shift the solution of problems to us. We must make such drastic decisions about all aspects of life that force us to sacrifice our interests, time, and health. If household members want gourmet dinners, then let them earn money for food in an expensive restaurant or create culinary masterpieces in the kitchen themselves. If a young child wants the latest model of iPhone, let him look for ways to earn money, for example: handing out leaflets, and not demanding an expensive gift from you, for the purchase of which you can put your teeth on a shelf. Step 4 To get rid of the habit of self-sacrifice, you need to switch your attention to yourself. Heroically and inspiredly playing the role of an ideal wife and a perfect mother, we completely forget that we are a unique personality and an attractive woman. And not a workhorse, a free cleaner, a cook, a dishwasher, a nanny, a nurse and a pocket psychologist all rolled into one. Having recognized for yourself that you are a free person, allow yourself to do everything that was previously strictly prohibited. We start with our inner “cover”: hair masks, body wraps, facial spa treatments. A visit to the sauna, swimming pool, beauty salon, massage room and gym should definitely become part of our lives. Step 5 To stop sacrificing ourselves for the sake of other people's benefits, we need to find a powerful inner core. Develop spiritually, transform your destructive character traits into positive personality traits, abandon the destructive thinking program. How to do it? Read literature, attend psychological trainings, discuss your problems with a specialist. A good way to develop your personality is to contemplate the surrounding reality, feeling like an impartial sage. Observe, notice, analyze, admire the beautiful world, discarding the habit of hanging categorical labels. Step 6 Attending various events will help you get rid of the habit of self-sacrifice and become a harmonious person. Watching quality films, visiting art galleries and museums, attending concerts and performances will help you gain a new outlook on life and bring bright colors to everyday realities. It is possible that at first it will be a little uncomfortable and alarming. After all, we are used to sacrificing ourselves and banning pleasure. To distract yourself from anxious thoughts, you can make it a rule to take long walks in the forest and sign up for a yoga class. Step 7 To break the habit of self-sacrifice, we must learn to respect ourselves. To do this, we celebrate even the smallest achievements and record our successes on paper. Don't forget to praise and thank yourself even for tiny deeds. A person who loves and values ​​himself is respected by others. We remember that it is impossible to ask confident and self-sufficient people to become victims. Instead of an afterword
In order to get rid of the destructive quality - meaningless self-sacrifice - we should learn to say a firm “no” to requests that are unpleasant and difficult for us to fulfill.
Master the skill of tactfully refusing if other people’s suggestions cause internal protest in us. Be able to argue your point of view and boldly defend your views. We remember that a harmonious personality combines healthy egoism and justified altruism. Therefore, it is necessary to free yourself from the need for self-sacrifice in order to live happily and fully.

Why self-sacrifice is dangerous

The first thing that comes to mind when pronouncing the word “self-sacrifice” is something sublime. This is a denial of oneself for the sake of higher goals, a sacrifice of one’s own interests in the name of something more valuable. But Leo Tolstoy said that the most offensive expression of egoism is self-sacrifice. Why is it dangerous? What did Tolstoy mean?

Self-sacrifice is inherent in the Slavic people; we are not individualists. In addition, we are encouraged to sacrifice ourselves. But it happens that self-sacrifice is a style of existence; it takes on unusual forms.

It is believed that sacrificing oneself in the name of a loved one is an indicator of good form. They give us the example of the Decembrist wives, but parents are left with no choice at all - they are obliged to do everything for the sake of their children, subordinating themselves to their desires. Yes, love is not selfishness, but why would anyone suffer? Are sacrifices really necessary?

As already mentioned, the basis of self-sacrifice is not always love. Often it is based on fear and lack of faith in one’s own strength. A person is sure that he is not worthy of recognition and love, so he wins them. Self-sacrifice becomes an element of manipulation. A person considers himself not so good that his other half will remain next to him just like that, therefore it requires a remarkable effort. And the fear here is that the person for whom the sacrifice is being made will leave.

But this is not the only negative thing; the further a person goes in an effort to give himself away, the more terrible the story ends. There are many examples around of how people do not appreciate such sacrifices. But you cannot call them traitors. If another person voluntarily refused something, then sooner or later he will hear the question of why he did it, who asked him.

For these reasons, self-sacrifice is considered selfish. A person behaves in the way he considers correct, without taking into account other people’s opinions about it. But he also demands gratitude for his actions. Not receiving this, he feels offended. As a result, hatred arises towards the one for whom the sacrifice was made, for whom it turned out to be unnecessary. A person needs to have the right to choose whether he needs this sacrifice or not, to refuse it or accept it.

But what about altruism, self-denial? Self-sacrifice, of course, has the right to exist. After all, everyone decides what to do and how to behave. The main thing is not to expect recognition for your own actions, then you will not commit actions aimed at satisfying internal needs at the expense of others.

What is self-sacrifice

Self-sacrifice is the voluntary sacrifice of oneself or one's own interests for the sake of others. It can be conscious (EMERCOM workers, military personnel in battle) and unconscious (helping people in extreme situations).

But it is wrong to consider selflessness to be the basis of self-sacrifice. So, sacrificing oneself is:

sacrificial, sincere desire to protect others, one's own land, home. Such an intention is the result of a person’s sense of patriotism, his ideals and upbringing. The individual is unable to act differently. Such individuals rush to help without hesitation, this is a spiritual impulse; fulfillment of one's own inner desires. It's worth giving an example here. There are people who strive to get to “hot spots” to save people’s lives there. But why do they need this? You might think that this is a desire to protect the Motherland. But in reality, they strive to receive medals and awards for courage in order to make their loved ones proud of them.

In turn, sacrifice in the understanding of religion is a virtue, which is expressed in a sincere desire to devote oneself to others.

What does the victim really want?

It's hard to believe that someone voluntarily wants to be constantly humiliated. Why do some people strive for the role of victim, voluntarily making themselves a punching bag? In fact, the victim wants:

to receive pity, attention, warmth, care, love, gratitude, empathy, compassion, to be significant, to be needed.

A person with a victim mentality knows only one form of love - pity. So he tries, with the help of others or, feeling sorry for himself, to receive love. The victim is only happy when he suffers. That’s why she always suffers, something is always wrong in her life. It’s not easy to admit this to yourself, which is why only a few decide to fight it.

Definition of the concept

Self-sacrifice is the complete willingness to sacrifice one’s personal interests and feelings for the benefit of other people, without expecting anything in return . Only a strong person, who in this case is called a victim, can voluntarily give up his own pleasures and personal goals. There are a huge number of examples of self-sacrifice in literature. This is what makes the task of writing the final essay much easier. Self-sacrifice can be conscious or unconscious.

Heroism and sacrifice can be attributed to many areas of human activity and behavior. But you should clearly understand what true self-sacrifice is. After all, it can hardly be called heroism just because a soldier went to fight for his Motherland. Firstly, he is a soldier, and his duty is to defend his Fatherland. Secondly, he will not necessarily be the hero of this war. He may turn out to be a weak person and not distinguish himself in any way in combat.

For example, a girl who marries an elderly rich man cannot be called self-sacrifice. Essentially, it's just a deal. She exchanges her beautiful young body for material well-being. Another example: a young man who constantly crams his homework, exchanging difficult studies for the delights of carefree days. He also does not engage in self-sacrifice, but plans in advance his brilliant future in a promising profession. None of the synonyms for self-sacrifice can be included in these examples.

Synonyms for the word self-sacrifice include:

• heroism;
• sacrifice;
• courage;
• self-forgetfulness;
• self-denial.

Self-sacrifice can be noble, heroic, voluntary, great, similar.

The Origins of Sacrifice

Thanks to a multi-thousand-year development path, a person with a visual vector has learned to transform fear for himself into fear for others. This became a prerequisite for the emergence of such feelings as empathy, compassion, sympathy, love.

Having reached the highest point of his emotional amplitude - love, a visual person becomes able to put the life of another person above his own. This is where the origins of sacrifice lie – the main virtue in culture.

We observed examples of the highest degree of sacrifice during the Great Patriotic War, when skin-visual nurses, fragile girls, carried the wounded from the battlefield to the whistle of bullets and the roar of shells, forgetting about the fear for their lives. They were driven by the desire to save someone else's life, the life of their neighbor.

Today we see the manifestation of sacrifice in the volunteer movement, when people with a visual vector take care of socially vulnerable segments of the population - orphans, the elderly, the sick - absolutely voluntarily and free of charge, at the call of their hearts. They strive only to love and give this love to others, receiving the greatest fulfillment of their desires and realizing the highest realization of visual properties.

Mother's feelings for children

Sacrifice is often shown through examples of the relationship of a mother and father to their child, who are ready to do anything for him. Parents initially have the quality of caring for their child from childhood. They protect him from conflicts, solve children’s problems, and protect him from troubles. Therefore, they themselves are forced to endure any inconvenience and some hardships. Not only parents, but also ordinary people are ready to sacrifice themselves for the sake of their children.

Examples of such sacrifice in the literature:

1. V. Rasputin, “French Lessons”. The teacher has a great desire to financially help the unfortunate proud boy. He doesn't accept help. Necessity forces him to gamble. To help the child, the teacher begins to play with him for money. She soon loses her job because of this. Self-sacrifice is evident here. Even if she is not related by blood to the child, the woman loses her job for the sake of his well-being.
2. N. D. Teleshov, “Home”. The little migrant Syomka is heading home from the barracks to his native land. On the way he meets an unfamiliar grandfather. On the way, the child is overcome by illness, and a fellow traveler decides to take the baby to the city hospital. Grandfather himself is a convict refugee, and returning to the city threatens him with arrest. But the man doesn’t think for a minute, because the life of a child is more valuable.
3. I. A. Bunin, “Lapti”. The servant fell in love with the master's boy so much that he sacrificed his life for him. The child, near death, becomes delirious and asks to bring him red sandals. The mother is tossing around and doesn’t know what to do. An old servant is called to help her. He offers to buy ordinary bast shoes in the shop and paint them red. In his opinion, this will ease the child’s torment. But on the way back from the shop, the servant freezes.
4. F. M. Dostoevsky, “Crime and Punishment.” Sonya Marmeladova is forced to sell her body in order to feed her unfortunate drunkard father, his wife and children, although they are not her blood relatives. Oddly enough, the type of her work activity does not confuse the reader at all. She commits a sacrificial act. It would be a different matter if she sold her body for her own pleasure.

Self-sacrifice for high goals can rightly be called heroism, especially if the child really needs help at the moment.

Based on examples of self-sacrifice in literature, we can draw a small conclusion: this quality is contradictory. Some consider it the highest manifestation of heroism, others - on the contrary, a meaningless and stupid lifestyle. Sacrifice can be observed in various areas of a person’s life, and is also manifested in differences in behavior. To understand what self-sacrifice is, you need to learn to distinguish it from concepts such as deal and debt.